July 3rd 2012
email from me to Stefan
That was something I really did mean to say a lot. Which I don’t think I did enough.
Thank you.
You kept me afloat for a really long time when I probably would have sank otherwise. I don’t think I was clear enough on that point.
And also, what’s inspiring me to write this at this exact moment, is the fact that you gave me … righteous anger. You gave me a voice. I still have a small Stefan in my head at times, and I think to myself “if Stefan were seeing this, he would be wearing a look of disappointment. SAY something. STAND UP for yourself. Don’t take shit.”, and then I don’t take shit. I’ve told some people off recently, burned some bridges, didn’t keep my fucking mouth shut when it would have been the smoother path to let it go. A guy I know who is opening a gallery, has connections…. but he’s a fucking sexist, racist, and a homophobe, and my calling him out on shit has erupted into, well, my removing him from my life, the scumbag.
That was tonight, which has had me thinking.
Of you.
And I had to move, for not taking shit and lies from roommates.
And I’ve called out friends for not being the friends that they supposedly pride themselves on, and lost a few people.
Whatever. Good.
I also was the only person that tried to get a crazy religious dude to stop screaming about Jesus on a subway. And the only person who told the dude with his cel phone blaring shit music right across from me that he was being inconsiderate and all that he was doing was showing the world that he couldn’t afford a decent pair of headphones.
I’m proud of myself for being that person.
You have made me demand respect from others. And have opened my eyes to ways I should have been demanding respect far earlier. And have inspired me to not back down from my beliefs.
I am far far better for it. Less popular, probably. But better.
You were quite good for me. You gave me a lot that I really truly appreciate, and will cherish for the rest of my life.
Especially the ability to not back down. Stand up for what I know is right, even if it’s as simple as every day manners.
Just wanted you to know that.
After this we started communicating on a weekly / monthly basis again.