… continued
Controls appear when hovered over.
March 13th
Three days prior, I post the colored version of my radio show logo. [IG]
The cartooniness of the red fox brings Stefan back to this illustration I’d drawn this in 2010 representing Stefan and I, with the seam of the book between us. I’d reposted it to my art instagram in 2020.
Stefan combines them to draw a demon smiling hello. [IG]
Andrea Vanzo • Spring
March 15th
I’d been playing a lot of content on my radio show the previous month, juxtaposing WWII era broadcasts and the modern slaughter in Gaza. [WFMU]
Stefan draws Anne Frank. [IG]
This same day, I repost a reel of photos I’d originally posted the day after Genesis P. Orridge died. [fb]
Genesis’s filled lips
brings Stefan back to his squished face; one of our tweaked shots from this series in 2008.
Everything green. Trinity knot easily seen. [IG]
Little Shop of Horrors
Remembering. Recreating.
One day prior, I posted two images that I’d drawn on cardboard boxes. [IG]
Which brings Stefan back to cardboard boxes on our last Halloween.
Again using the lines of shadow to replicate his bloodied face in his photograph. [IG]
Little Shop of Horrors
Remembering. Recreating.
March 16th
February 27th, I post a review of the Veselka movie. [IG]
The colors and pose leads him to this selfie from 2004 when living in Queens
and then to other photos of my living in Queens in 2004.
His drawing takes the green color from nature, the pig lighter and wooden items makes a wooden pig creature, drooling like the pond. [IG]
The Jesus Lizard • Monkey Trick
(We saw The Jesus Lizard play in Chicago.)
This photo again.
with these details
Lead him to this similarly angled portrait from 2009
and this full finished painting of mine.
So he digitally edits his older painting of me, gives me long hair instead of pigtails, and dots of light for eyes. [IG]
The Jesus Lizard • Monkey Trick
March 19th
Looking through my [flickr] folder of paintings from the previous post, he is brought to this painting from 2004 with a bloodied hand
which brings Stefan back to this Sticky Friends photo with bloody hands and an upside-down handprint on the bed.
He combines the poses. [IG]
Peter Gundry • Salem’s Secret
March 17th, two days prior. A crazed dawn selfie at WFMU, a Dracula pinball machine behind me. [IG]
The gradient of my friend’s Hawaiian shirt brings Stefan to July 2009 with a blue and amber sunset. [flickr]
His portrait matches my sunset face, and he picks an appropriate song. [IG]
Bram Stoker’s Dracula • Love Remembered
The above sunset photo from July of 2009 brings him to our Chicago trip one week later. [flickr] Right before it all went wrong.
The blue from the fencing in the background, “PAUL MITCHELL” inspiring the ERROR text. [IG]
March 21st
Repost.
I post this rambling video with a mohawk and makeup. [IG]
Three days later, he reposts this mohawk fish. [IG]
insensible, énouement • vertigo *
* “Enouement” is a French word, meaning the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turned out, but being unable to tell your past self.
I post a series of album covers as prizes to give away during my radio show for the annual fundraiser. [IG]
This album cover with tan horizontal lines…
…and this BIG|BRAVE album cover with flowers
brings him back to flowers in a parking garage.
He photographs himself in the same pose, tinted to match the pale lavender flowers. [IG]
Broken Heart Sad Violin • Depressing Agony
Remembering. Recreating.
March 22nd
Again, the Dracula pinball machine
which leads Stefan back to this image [IG] to promote my [WFMU] show.
Mina’s pose and Dracula’s hands
brings it back to the cupcakes again.
His gripping hand. Demonic glyphs to match the icing. [IG]
insensible, énouement • vertigo
Remembering. Recreating.
March 23rd
Back to Dracula…
Marilyn in red, as he goes in for a kiss. [IG]
Bram Stoker’s Dracula • Love Remembered
On my radio show of January 2022, I’d narrated the circumstances of my first kiss, which took place while listening to a track from the soundtrack to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Stefan repeatedly plays a different romantic track from the film, one titled “Love Remembered”.
The [IG] post with this Dracula picture
also includes this [IG] George Carlin album cover.
The city skyline here…
paired with my crazed sleepless expression here…
leads Stefan to one of the first things I ever drew for him. It was based on a weird dream he described on Myspace about his transforming into a beautiful transwoman with sharp-tipped wings who would soar above the smokestacks of the polluted city below.
And so, he photographs himself with wings. The wings matching the red of Dracula and the pale blue of the New York City skyline. The song is again Love Remembered.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula • Love Remembered
The same [WFMU] playlist of January 2022 with Dracula also contains this gif from the film Alice Sweet Alice
The arm pulled back in motion and the knife leads Stefan back to this yellow-skinned Ocean Grove shot with an arm in blur and a knife in the sink.
He combines them, uses the red exercise bands for blood, tints himself yellow like the murderer’s raincoat. [IG]
Martin Czerny • Endless Road of Grief
Eyes closed.
Remembering. Reenacting.
Bloody days in Ocean Grove and yellow leads him back here.
He combines the images, a dot of red for the mug. [IG]
Mindlight Relaxing Music•Mild Feeling
Eyes closed. Remembering.
That same [WFMU] playlist of January 2022 includes these two gifs stacked above each other.
Carlin’s textured walls and the Rocky Horror scene of sitting shirtless with arms outstretched
leads Stefan back to the 2009 basement photos, to this outtake of his sitting with knees up and hands outstretched.
He recreates his basement pose, but with the fist and color/texture of Carlin’s background. [IG]
Peter Gundry • A Beautiful Delusion
That same [WFMU] playlist of January 2022 also contains this gif from Batman: The Animated Series.
The orange color and face half in shadow brings him to this self portrait from 2005, before we met.
He copies the tones of my portrait, but photographs himself upright, and adds a hardly perceptible edit to his upper lip, raising it on the shadowed half, like Harvey Dent. [IG]
Bram Stoker’s Dracula • Love Remembered
March 31st
Desperately wishing to be seen and heard and befriended
by me.
Posted the same day. My all Jesus Christ Superstar show [WFMU] playlist pictured this album cover
which brings him back to my drawing of us again.
His face wearing the demon’s frown, the curve of the tail behind him. [IG]
Enya • Boadicea
He is his own demon. Hand in hand.
(Boadicea again.)
The reaching arm brings him to
this photo I took of him at IHOP.
He positions himself with the same triangle of lines above his head. He has blurred out his photo – except he’s kept the neck glyph and his hair point in focus. I suspect this is thinking about H and needles. (Boadicea again.) [IG]
Enya • Boadicea
Eyes closed.
Remembering. Recreating.
Back to my playlist with Jesus Christ Superstar. The geometric shapes and design elements
lead him to this photo of me about to get a spinal tap November 2008, my hair in a diagonal straight line, with lines of molding beside me at the same angle as the album cover.
He adds a hardly perceptible straight line of black for the proper angle creating a halo of white from his hood. He duplicates the gritty texture of my photo, mouth the same. [IG]
More Jesus Christ Super Star.
Brings him to our trip to Chicago. Orange and yellow stripes, bright blue, and Stefan showing his midriff.
(Stefan trying to stay deadpan. This picture always makes me laugh)
This brings Stefan to an old sketchbook drawing I’d done of Mutual Friend scarfing a tub of pretzel sticks.
And to my shots from the driving around Chicago.
He combines these shots into one, his gripping hand, the red and white tub in the back seat representing Mutual Friend. [IG]
Egad, he’s so adorable.
Bill Withers • Lean on Me
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill
Those of your needs
That you won’t let show
His song of choice, about swallowing, and about leaning, as the backseat passenger and Stefan’s car seat lean against each other.
April 4th
One month prior, I was tagged in this instagram photo while co-hosting at WFMU fundraising [IG]
which brings Stefan back to this autoupload from March 2018 during WFMU fundraising.
His black fingerless glove making the speech bubble shape, green and yellow in the background, and a stripe of blue matching the window’s glow behind me, like an eyepatch. [IG]
théos, Antent • mirage
He has no words.
He’s struck silent.
April 6th
My face in profile in the yellow bathroom of WFMU four days prior [IG]
brings Stefan back to this Ocean Grove photo. (This is what happens when you try photographing boots for eBay with Stefan around.)
Courten • Delusional
Remembering. Reenacting.
April 13th
Text to Stefan’s brother
April 14th
Back to this photo, posted one month prior. [fb] Now thinking of Chicago drives,
Stefan is brought back to this shot, where I’m mostly cut out of frame. (This happened often in Chicago.)
He is me in the passenger seat, his hoodie string like my tendrils of hair. [IG]
Antent • this world is sick
Remembering. Reenacting.
March 18th, one month prior, I post this accidental shot with the caption: “I did it! I sang on stage and I kinda don’t remember it.” [IG]
The upward angle of my face and the blue lines of light leads him back to this insomnia photo…
…right next to these damp bus seats in the flickr feed from September 2013 .
They are combined, but I am given an open singing mouth. [IG]
I post the colored graphic (drawn by Evan Dorkin) available as a sticker for my radio show to those that donate to the station [IG]
which brings Stefan to this autoupload of me with a fox ring, the dark red matching the border of the fox drawing.
Combined, it inspires a fox wrapped around a tree, the eyes large and circular like the fox’s eyepatch, drawn on newspaper article about community support alluding to the non-profit nature of WFMU, and with thick block lettering, like that on my logo, the page tinted blue grey like the background of my logo. [IG]
April 15th
My radio show logo with it’s orange-pink dots and brown retro radio with it’s curves and lines.
brings him to these photos from Queens 2004. Pink polkadots and a brown antique radiator with curves and lines
and next to it, pink polkadot pajamas and stripey socks. [flickr]
The stripes on my socks lead him to this little girl from Fox Fest 2010 [flickr]
and then this photo from Fox Fest 2010. [flickr]
The polkadots duplicated, the tablecloth becomes mountainous terrain, the hand reaching. [IG]
insensible, énouement • vertigo
April 17th
He revisits the span of time when I was scanning in items from when Colin died.
The pool hall ceiling lamps make the mountains, half naked me makes the babe (as it has before). The devil sticker makes the centaur theme, the accidental elf ears from his hair, the color of the TV glow, buck teeth from the Bugs Bunny shirt, the silly school-girl costume pose provides the hands. [IG]
théos, Antent • mirage
Five days prior, I post photos with Vermont Friend who I’d gone to visit to witness the solar eclipse. She was the friend whose wedding I’d attended in September 2010. [IG]
He paints a new background for his old cartoon; one that he originally posted in 2010 days after I’d attended her bachelorette party, and days before her wedding. He makes a new background with a full moon wearing my expression, tilted like the R2D2 on my friend’s shirt, and matching the color. The gravestones and clouds inspired by blurry background objects. [IG]
He’s still in terror of me.
This insomnia photo from September 2013 that Stefan recently used
brings him to another shot taken that same sleepless morning
The hoodie and the green tea jug to replicate the shapes of shadow and light. [IG]
Antent • this world is sick
April 19th
Our first autumn.
Hand and mouth. [IG]
I don’t know why this one makes me cry so much.
Hands and mouths brings him back here.
My doubled reflection makes for the heavy facial lines. [IG]
théos, Antent • mirage
April 21st
Hands and faces.
Stefan took this photo of me.
[IG]
Joelmusicbox • Melody of Memories
April 26th
Text to Stefan
no response.
April 27th
A mashup of the life in 2004.
April 28th
Ocean Grove.
February 2009.
Stefan took these.
Peter Gundry • The Witching Hour
[IG]
May 1st
Lyrical reference to that time we were at his house, outside smoking at dawn, and I had fainted and had a seizure and he caught me in his arms and brought me inside. [IG]
Eva Cassidy • Fields of Gold
“In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold”
Marilyn is me.
Remembering. Recreating.
Being in his arms brings him back here.
Haunted hayride. Our last Halloween season together.
Trinity knot and Marilyn. This is painful to look at. [IG]
Remembering. Recreating.
My position on his back for the hayride leads him to my splayed childhood pose on New Years Eve.
The hose makes the antennae, the styrofoam the pattern on it’s back, the (coke?) mirror becomes the snail eyes with a line of white, the hearts match the color on my cheeks. [IG]
Xori • warm nights
and then in turn to this old self portrait from 2005. [flickr]
Directly below it in the chronological flickr feed, this lefthanded drawing from 2005, a sad man with a hole through his chest. [flickr]
He combines them, using the color of my drawing. [IG]
Kapa Boy • Not Allowed
All by yourself, sittin’ alone
I hope we’re still friends, yeah, I hope you don’t mind
we would have been so glorious
May 7th
Repost. the wedding approaches.
Ocean Grove. Smoking at dawn.
[IG]
Antent, vowl. • drowning
Remembering. Recreating.
May 8th
I am tagged in this photo from Chiller one week prior. [fb]
Which leads Stefan back to this photo of us from June 2008.
He combines my faces, with the metallic sheen of the jacket and wallpaper of the Chiller hotel. [IG]
Sublab, Azaleh • Maera*
My Chiller shoulders, faces combined, my ear, his ear.
*Maera: The faithful dog of Icarius and his daughter Erigone. Ever loyal, Maera threw herself off a cliff rather than live without her master and mistress.
He continues looking through my tagged facebook photos. He is brought back to this again from December 2019, with me in profile and eye makeup.
Which brings him back to these photos from March 2006 / September 2007
The green of the bar walls, the shape of the mirror (paired with the T-shirt of the man in the center) inspires the cartoon mouse head, the curtains for eyes, the blackened discoloration for the face border and smile, with mattress pattern for the hair and ears. The mirror discoloration also inspires the blood spit. [IG]
analog_mannequin • milk cassette x.mp3
May 9th
Another tagged facebook picture: this tagged photo from Chiller October 2022. [fb]
He combines me with a Gremlin, angled eyes, textured skin, portuding jaw. [IG]
May 13/14
Another old tagged facebook photo, this one from December 2019. [fb]
My wearing a fox mask makes him emulate cats. He’s going to the very beginning of my flickr at this point, modeling after all three of my old kitten photos from 2003. [flickr]
Shadows of blinds, one eye lit, with a bar of shadow down the middle. [IG]
théos, Antent • mirage
Another kitten. He is in half shadow. [IG]
Peter Gundry • Nature’s Altar
These two photos atop each other in the flickr gallery. The pointy tail, even. [IG]
Antent, vowl. • drowning
May 14th
Then to this facebook tagged photo from May 2017. My blonde wig and sexy dress [fb]
…leads him back to my Marilyn-like shots.
My hands become his. The blue for the sky. [IG]
o.i • inner shadows
May 15th
I rant about my trip home from Vermont. [IG]
My sunglasses becomes cartoon eyes. He finds hearts in my hair again. My belt buckle becomes a robot head. A background of trees and nature because of Vermont. [IG]
théos, Antent • mirage
May 16th
Thinking about the impending wedding, Stefan turns to photos I took April/May 2009.
Stefan feeling the fool with his brother. [IG]
insensible • ominous
May 17th
And then, a few months earlier, that time we hung out with his brother and friend on Christmas Eve 2008.
The jaw shortening of the scarf and the rare photographic evidence of a smiling Stefan. [IG]
Absolute Music • Ominous
One month prior to those 2008 Christmas photos, I took this photo of Stefan on the boardwalk at dawn. [flickr]
Which leads Stefan to this Sticky Friends photo.
The blue from my photo, the texture from Stefan’s sweater, the long curved fingers from the shadows of Stefan’s elbow wrinkles. [IG]
Cedric Vermue • We Came And Left
(I don’t have a digital copy of this Sticky Friends cupcake photo and forgot it existed. It was lost to the hard-drive theft of 2009, but evidently Stefan had a print out of it, which I received after his death, kept in perfect condition in his lock box since 2008.)
May 18th
Ocean Grove / Asbury Park canal. April 2009. [flickr]
The clouds part and make a path towards the bottom left of his photo. He has all my photos in his head, ever-ready to capture a reminder. [IG]
Your mind amazes me.
May 22nd
Three days prior, I am tagged in a photo by Jeff Moore. [fb]
Which leads Stefan back to our photobooth photos.
which then leads him to this photo about to get our photobooth photos taken, October 2008.
He photographs the blur of the money-holding hands at nearly out of frame. The line of booth hitting his brow. Black and white and in profile like his own photobooth image. [IG]
.diedlonely • in the bleak midwinter
Remembering. Recreating.
May 24th
Five days prior, I am tagged in this photo by Jeff Moore. [fb]
My hand position brings Stefan back to this Sticky photo.
When we took this photo in Ocean Grove, it was because there were renters in the main house and so we had only access to a bathtub in the back apartment. He called me into the bathroom because the water looked like milk and he thought it would photograph well.
His new photo uses the blue of my coat to now represent water. [IG]
analog_mannequin • milk cassette x.mp3
Remembering. Recreating.
Two days prior, I am tagged in this photo by Jeff Moore. I am seen in the window reflection. [fb]
This leads Stefan back to this photo from 2007.
He recreates the scene, the coffee cup nearly out of frame, the wooden chair, Marilyn to the right. [IG]
insensible, énouement • vertigo
Remembering. Recreating.
April 7th. A month and a half prior. I post myself taking a train to Vermont for the solar eclipse. [IG]
He matches the many colors of my outfit to a plant, which suits my song from Little Shop of Horrors. [IG]
While feeding my cats I rant about the political psychopathy of nations, bathed in red light with venetian blinds behind me. [IG]
He posts himself with red tones in an American flag, the light from blinds hitting him. Hindi words blurred out. [IG]
TOOL • Ænema
Some say the end is near
Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
May 27th
And this tagged facebook photo by Jeff Moore from January 2013 [fb]
Brings Stefan back to this Sticky Friends photo
The wall in the background of his photo is the same color as the sticky one. He frames the square in the background where the box is behind the man in the facebook photo. Marilyn partially highlighted and in focus in the foreground, like my face. [IG]
Remembering. Recreating.
May 31st
Still here.
The bloodstains, the angled shot of the ceiling, wallpaper, ornate mirrror frame, and diagonal heads
brings him here. A stained ceiling, ornate bookshelf frame, wallpaper, diagonal heads.
I’d posted this illustration July 2017 to showcase one of my all-time favorite comic book panels. It’s the long awaited first kiss between two characters, a writer and an artist, in the graphic novel Berlin by Jason Lutes. I love that it gives them modest privacy. It makes the moment truly intimate.
The bloodiness of the bathroom also brings Stefan back to this shot while filming March of the Pumpkins.
His hand and outfit match my bloody knife pose, but he is looking upwards while I am looking down. His image matches my pale lavender hat in color. [IG]
.diedlonely • in the bleak midwinter
If you straighten the comic panel and slide it to where his head is obscured, it lines up. It’s the exact same angle.
But again, he’s the one looking upwards. The trinity knot apparent.
Stefan and I, we were very physically shy with each other. It sounds ridiculous, being that he and I were so often in front of a camera, so often scantily clad, so often sexual in our art. And yet, we had never before kissed without already having gotten in our pajamas and in bed, like shy gay teenagers at a sleepover. Only when we’d tired of watching nature documentaries or Columbo or Inland Empire or whathaveyou and finally lay with limbs entwined, hiding from the dawn and pretending to wait for sleep to descend, only then did we cautiously approach each other intimately. Every instance with the tentativeness of a first time. But living with my Aunt, and times turbulent between us, we’d not spent a night together in many months.
And so, about to walk out the front door of my Aunt’s house one night:
“Wait, c’mere...” I call.
I lead him to the hallway stairs, stand up on one step (because I’m eight inches shorter than he), reach for his shoulders and pull him near.
“Here.”
With a subtle hint of panic he asks, “What are you doing?”
My shoulders square with determination. “I’m going to kiss you. Standing up.”
He is visibly frightened. So am I.
It is sweet. It is significant.
It is our only kiss without our masks.
And this tagged facebook photo taken by Jeff Moore in January of 2013. [fb] My black and white almost profile with a flip of hair curling upwards from the back of my hat, the background of shelving with a slight diagonal composition…
brings Stefan to this photo of me, house siding lining the background behind me and the doorway at a slight diagonal. Stefan took this in Ocean Grove with my camera, tweaked it to hard contrast, and digitally added an extra hair swirl.
So, hard contrast and digital hair curl is what he did to himself, mimicking the man’s downward gaze and pensive hands. [IG]
.diedlonely • in the bleak midwinter
Eyes closed.
Recreating. Remembering.
June 5th
One month prior, trying to get a hotel room at Chiller. [IG] My tan and spotted outfit
leads Stefan to 2009 photos I took in my Aunt’s backyard of baby fawns. [flickr]
So Stefan takes a video of a baby fawn with Marilyn. [IG]
June 7th
Three weeks before the wedding.
Repost from 2016. [IG]
Now partially inked, colored, captioned.
A hospital visit in January of this year after being hit by a car [IG]
brings Stefan to my hospital visit December 2023. [IG]
He combines them, the blue from my headphones, the shape of my hood and face mask. [IG]
Occultus • Cosmos
Repost.
Trinity knot partially transparent, all tattoos concealed except for the H. Captioned “Mood“. [IG]
daniel.mp3 • green to blue
Months earlier, I post a film screening. [IG]
The red socks, pink background and hand positions, looking almost like it’s holding a cigarette
lead Stefan back to this photo I took at his 2008 Halloween party. The prime roommate.
He draws a similarly toned pig, the hard shadows of the hand against the body, even adding some small blood splatter next to the pig’s foot. [IG]
.diedlonely • in the bleak midwinter
Back to the facebook tagged photos. This shot by Jeff Moore [fb]
brings Stefan back to 2007. Our early Ocean Grove days with my elderly cat.
So Stefan combines them. But why the pink? [IG]
Ødyzon, Inan • unfaithful
June 8th
April 15th (?) I ramble through migraine with crazy hair, in blue light with orange backlight
Stefan posts plants that match my hair and colors. [IG]
Tagged facebook photo. Chiller 2019. [fb]
The bright green and hand now brings Stefan back to 2007. First times hanging out, when we pretended to raid the black truffles.
He combines the images, wears a shirt with text like mine, but about plants (like truffles), with his gripping hand. [IG]
Eyes closed.
Remembering. Recreating.
June 19th
One week prior, I post this video
The pink portrait in a tank top brings him back to this pink haired selfie
which in turn leads him to these WFMU photos with a pair of pink glowsticks arching out from either side of the DJs head.
My silly pink hair, the dark of the radio studio, the circular jewelry. [IG]
Enya • Boadicea
(Boadicea again.)
We were so afraid of each other. [IG]
insensible, énouement•vertigo
June 19th
Nine days before the wedding.
My video of Miss Kitka from the previous December, swaddled like a baby. [IG] He replicates the phone shape and color. [IG]
Again, finding a heart in my hair loops, and then copying my facial expression at that specific frame.
He literally sees hearts around my head when he looks at me.
My ridiculous video on 4/20 in stripey clothing [fb]
Leads Stefan back to one of our earliest of Sticky Friends photos.
Wearing a brown shirt, the hint of frame around the edges of his photograph like the yellow border he put around this early Sticky Friends photo, his skin a bit more orange like the walls behind me. [IG]
Enya • Boadicea
(Boadicea again.)
June 25th
Four days before the wedding.
Five days prior, me on my roof explaining how I want to escape the city. [IG]
The bear is made out of cartoon cloud shapes. [IG]
Antent • Are We Dreaming?
The city skyline cartoon gif on my previous post leads Stefan back to November, as I walk to the water’s edge to show off the clouds and city skyline. [IG]
The Y shape of the helmet strap replicated in the zombie face, a hat for my bike helmet, and an anchor on it because I’m showing the Hudson River. [IG]
Antent • Are We Dreaming?
Repost, but now with white highlights. [IG]
WFMU post marathon show. He combines them. [IG]
Three days prior, I post a video from my roof, talking about the ear/jaw shingles I’m battling. [IG]
He posts himself in profile, the angle of the line on his collar matching the line of lights on the bridge in the distance,
stars like the other lights near the bridge, the grey gradient on the sides matching the shingles in my video. [IG]
June 27th
Two days before the wedding.
Remembering. Reenacting.
IHOP 2007. Bright, blownout, blurry.
He’s watching me move, as the lyrics suggest, and is silenced. [IG]
PJ Harvey • Beautiful Feeling
Sometimes I can see for miles
Through water and fire
From England to America
I feel life meet my eyes
And it's the best thing
It's the best thing
The best thing
Such a beautiful feeling
A smile from San Diego
He's still a boy
Two ends to every rainbow
And a train from Mexico
And he's the best thing
He is the best thing
The best thing
Such a beautiful feeling
Like when I watch you move
And I can't think straight
And I am silenced
And I can't think straight
And it's the best thing
It's the best thing
The best thing
Such a beautiful feeling
June 28th
After midnight the night before the wedding.
October 2008.
A track he uses often on his reels, but now it’s faster. Momentum. Trinity knot. [IG]
“Holding up in Brooklyn tonight“
.diedlonely • in the bleak midwinter (sped up)
I didn’t know he was already here. I’d have invited him over.
During the wedding:
A polaroid of Ocean Grove/Asbury Park was one of my first gifts to him. I took a whole series of them with my grandfather’s antique camera.
He’s making New York City match our early beginnings.
He was waiting for me. [IG]
Text to Mutual Friend
I thought they were all about to leave. I’d have gone to the restaurant had I known they’d still be there for two more hours.
July 2nd
“The unhinged part of me carries the broken parts.
When the unhinged part is the Captain of the ship,
…you know you have a healthy crew” [IG]
Xori • warm nights slowed + reverb
July 6th
I go see a matinee.
Text from the brother
part Three:
[ a compilation of the music Stefan posted to his instagram reels ]
PART FOUR: