January 22nd
January 5th, I post my friends mad vaping equipment in wooden boxes [IG]
which leads to our morning smoking steps in Ocean Grove.
A clown sadly smoking alone on our steps, his can inspired by the bottles of liquid vape juice. [IG]
February 2nd
My mad patterned coat posted in December [IG]
brings him to the top my relative wore at Fox Fest 2007.
Fox Fest 2007 [flickr]
They wear nautical caps because they are in water. [IG]
February 5th
I posted to instagram photos of SantaCon that December. [IG]
Which leads him to the Christmas family photos taken the previous year.
My sister’s hand, my face, the santa hat dictating the nose shape and color. [IG]
February 7th
One week prior, I post this selfie, muted pink-beige tones behind me, and wearing thin sweatery stripes. [IG]
… which reminds him of our last photos taken in Ocean Grove, patterned beige behind him and narrow stripes.
… which in turn reminds him of one of our first Ocean Grove shots.
The photo of his bloody face with hands before him combined with the photo of the grocery store with diagonal shiny metal in turn reminds him…
of Leatherface.
So he paints Leatherface [IG] using the colors from the mask.
And draws the leatherface mask with elements and the colors of the photograph of him. [IG]
The extra curl at the top of his head added.
February 17th
Two days prior, I post Bauhaus, the guitar wielded like a weapon bathed in blue light. [IG]
This brings him to a friend wielding a blue mace made of pillow for the annual Manhattan pillow fight of April 2011. [flickr]
He combines that photo with others right next to it in the flickr feed from 2011. [flickr]
He draws on the spots from her T-shirt design, the orange and peg feet from her shoes, the blue, pink, and tentacle curves from the tutu. He combines the faces. [IG]
March 10th
One week prior, i’d posted this video [IG]
which reminds him of this from March 2014 [IG]
which in turn brings him to this Ocean Grove photo.
He combines us. [IG]
The stripe behind matches my photo, the hair curving to the side like sleeping me, the neck curved like the photo of him.
March 16th
Thinking of sleeping…
he goes to this photo, posted to instagram one month prior [IG]
which reminds him of this from 2009. [flickr]
and this is right next to it. [flickr]
My profile drawn with the dark red tones from the blanket behind the cat. [IG]
The yellow from his shirt, my ear looking weird. [IG]
That group shot in the previous post
reminded him of these red photos at Maxwells from 2009, the shadow making it look like I have two front buck teeth.
He combines our faces. [IG]
March 19th
December 31st, I post this [IG]
A hat from my coat pattern, ears with bedsheet wrinkles, etc. And he even puts a white border around it. [IG]
April 4th
One month prior, I repost a photograph from 2005 of the top of the stairwell at the Hotel Chelsea [IG]
which brings him back to this orange self portrait from April of 2012. [flickr]
He gives me Jim Morrison’s mouth, leaves space to the right at the same angle as the shape of phone in front of my face, tints the painting with the color of the sky. [IG]
Three weeks apart. I post WFMU marathon wackiness [IG] Stefan responds with an old selfie from the myspace days. [IG]
The rectangle behind the head, and the hand similarly positioned, the silver of the razorblades like the robot head, his skin the same color pink at the sweater, the moire screen lines making a similar zebra pattern against his pink face.
April 10th-13th
Stefan helps me in pinning down a chronology of my symptoms.
April 12th
Three days prior, I’d posted images of my apartment, including the shark tooth Stefan had bought us years ago, now kept in an orange glass box. [IG]
The sunny plants and bright colors bring him back to this photo from August of 2014. [flickr]
Which in turn brings him to these nearby August 2014 photos [flickr] [flickr]
Is he shocked I kept the shark tooth?
The green color and texture of the tank top used for the leaves of the hat-flower, the shine of the hat from my eyepatch. The orange vase makes the orange rectangle, the leaves inspire the ear, the medical tubing provides the forehead wrinkles. [IG]
The color of the hair taken from the reflection in the glass table top behind the orange bottles.
The plants make the eye wrinkles.
One month prior, a video from DBUK playing at WFMU’s Monty Hall. [IG]
The musician in a brown corduroy suit jacket in profile with a microphone
brings Stefan back to this photo of a lawyer speaking at a dance protest in Manhattan twelve years prior [flickr]
and a dancer at the event [flickr]
They combine into a dancing clown. [IG]
Microphone with wire becomes hat with string, the blue trim from the window in the background.
When in doubt, compare ear shape.
April 14th
[IG] me.
The previous month I’d posted these two images [IG] [IG]
which reminded Stefan of these older photos from the Ocean Grove days. [flickr]
Bear teddybear [IG]
April 24th
April 10-15, I’d posted to instagram:
The pink feet [IG] inspire the bunny rabbit, the insides of his ears like the pink sheet wrinkles [IG]. The daffodil greens replicated in the background [IG], with teeth inspired by the stones around them. [IG]
April 25th
My selfie from two weeks prior, the orange eyeshadow and huge glasses [IG]
brings Stefan to this old photo of a family friend at my mother’s baby shower, huge glasses and orange shirt. [IG]
Next to it is my mother, opening presents at her baby shower. [IG]
Nearby, a photo of my grandparents. [IG]
Stefan draws a family portrait. [IG]
Date?
A selfie from April 11th. [IG]
(His selfie no longer on IG, but found via google history search.)
May 5th
Another selfie from April 11th [IG]
which leads him to this selfie from June of the prior year. [fb]
Next that June selfie is a sticker illustration by the post-Stefan boyfriend featuring a green creature with fingers grabbing a nose (next to a pink mohawk person no less). [fb]
The hand in the mouth with teeth and gums exposed leads Stefan back to his old drawing he’d done of us as a pair
He repaints it, his hair the same shape as my own, his mouth now more gummy, his background now green. The grey hair and eyes of the creature become grey hat and eyes of Stefan, his ruffle now with points around the neck. [IG]
He sees heart shapes in my hair, and replicates them.
May 6th
The previous month I’d posted this old photo from the 90’s [IG]
which reminded Stefan of this old childhood photo.
The poster behind child me becomes the naked person. The clown’s tear from the dot of “Nice” the poster. [IG]
May 8th
From April, a photograph of a tree with pink flowers [IG]
reminds him of my self portrait of heartbreak beneath a large wild rosebush in my Aunt’s yard from 2009
which brings him to this 2009 photo I took of him by the Passaic River that summer at my Aunt’s.
He draws himself looking downwards at heartbroken me, offering a large rose. He photographs it with something green beside it. [IG]
wearing a dunce cap.
May 11th
April 15th, I post my outfit. [IG]
Reminiscent of this instagram post from 2017 [IG]
My face, the green T-shirt’s hands, the blue tint from the Glen Jones t-shirt. [IG]
May 13th
My recent forays into big pink eyeshadow
brings Stefan back to my self portrait of sadness from 2017 when Colin died of a heroin overdose [IG]
which leads him to highschool photos of Colin.
He combines us, even our eye makeup. The blue outline dictated from the pattern of the curtain behind him. [IG]
I post myself in March 23rd with springsomnia. [IG]
He draws from some selfies taken March 7th 2015, with eyes of blue-green, captioned with:
“Note to self: try new makeup ideas before heading into the shower. Here is some eyebrow practice.”
So he draws me without eyebrows. Hair to one side, a doorway behind me, the paper matching my skin tone. [IG]
May 14th
I’d posted this drawing in separate photos of DBUK performing [fb]
The close up of the hand against a black and white graphic background
leads Stefan back to this group shot at a book signing.
And then to more nearby photos from June 2011.
He combines them, using the composition of the group shot, the color palette of my drawing, swapping out hands (like I’d done to my own drawing), turning my forehead vein into a wisp of hair. [IG]
May 19th
One month prior, I post this scene from Jesus Christ Superstar [fb]
Which brings Stefan to these photos from January 2015 [IG]
Judas’ fringe inspires the long wisps of hair, the dancers with midrif and belts, the yellow of my boyfriend’s background, with his face and pose. [IG]
May 24th
Five days prior, I dressed up in a cape and hat to go see The Mark of Zorro at a movie palace. [IG]
which brings Stefan to these uploads from May 2017, wearing the same hat.
And also to shitty phone photos of the full movie palace theater facade from May 2015.
His drawing is tinted blue to match the first photograph.
He uses the theater facade as inspiration for the decorative flourishes; umbrella, mantle, vase, flowers, etc. [IG]
He leaves a margin of color images of his own on the side, like a film reel.
May 17th, I rant with a scarf, bad poofy hair, and a background of green [IG]
bringing him to this scarfy poofy photo from March 2018 with matching colors.
He uses the colors and linework from the poster behind me, my mouth from the photograph, and draws it on a napkin to reference food. [IG]
May 27th
email from me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I hope you have a nice and peaceful day.
email from Stefan
Thanks. I’ve been in traffic for most of the day. I just dropped anchor for the day. So, I’m going to TRY and relax.
email from me
Well, it’s a nice day to be outside, even if that outside is traffic.
You share a birthday with Siouxsie Sioux, as well!
email from Stefan
Sweet. Although Vincent Price is my most prideful birthday bud. I was just listening to her and the banshees lat Thursday when i found a box of old mix CDs.
May 28th
May 1st I post a clip from Dead Ringers with naked legs and a beam of blue light streaming through the door. [IG]
This brings Stefan to July 2017; a man wearing a Silver Surfer tie, his nude figure skating on a blue beam. [IG]
It becomes a tied sack of naked body parts.
He uses Jeremy Iron’s legs and body parts. He tints the drawing to match the wall to the left in Dead Ringers’ hallway.
June 2nd
A bed recovery day from one week prior [IG]
brings him back to my bedridden weeks of undiagnosed brain leak from 2009.
The shadow making it look like I have a bloody nose
and the yellow sheets from the video of me with cats
brings him to this Sticky Friends photo:
Combining us. My swoopy bangs from the cat video, a deep yellow border to match the edge of the mirror. He draws it on trifold cardboard that opens like a medicine cabinet door. [IG]
a pink glow to the lower left corner like me and my cats.
June 13th
More cats and teddy bear. Kissing my cat and snuggling him on April 26th [IG]
brings Stefan to this old self portrait of going through my MRIs in Ocean Grove. [flickr]
He then adds two other images from that [flickr] album for hands.
I am a clown with child [IG]
He uses the medical diagrams from the back of the MRI sleeve for the blobby hair and details.
June 29th
Going to see Network on Broadway three weeks prior [IG]
reminds him of my seeing Hedwig and the Angry Inch on April 2015. [flickr]
He uses the big hair in my phone pics of outfit anxiety [IG]
and my post-John Cameron Mitchell-kiss lipstick face. [flickr]
and the birthday card I’d made for John Cameron Mitchell. [IG]
For a portrait in oil. [IG]
June 30th
This clip of Danger man posted the same day. Patrick McGoohan hiding in a bathroom next to a mirror [IG]
brings him to this mirror selfie of me with a similar expression and raised shoulder from July 2017.
McGoohan’s brow furrows, the emulated eyepatch and the edges of the closet doors behind me. My headphones wire becomes thread draped across the clown hat. [IG]
July 3rd
One week prior, I’d posted this image of a friend with pink hair and peering face [IG]
which brings Stefan to this photo posted May 2014, my cousin’s side eye face on my first birthday. [fb]
We become a monster with pink hair, child me gets the bangs, the red birthday cake lettering becomes “Not Barbie”. [IG]
July 15th
Three days prior I post an arch from a train station in Washington DC [IG]
which brings him to a photo from Christmastime 2017.
He combines it with other autouploads the weeks surrounding Christmas of 2017.
The lights inspire the stoplight, the pepper becomes a hat, my childhood photo in an English castle inspires the shoe choice and the rectangle in the middle, my friend with the hat and the middle fingers inspires the gnome on the right, down to the star on the shoe. [IG]
August 3rd & 23rd
The logo for the production of Hamlet in DC from the previous month [IG]
reminds him of the photographs I took of that performance artist at the Seattle Erotic Art Festival 2014. [flickr]
Her stern face, the blue rectangle of her sign and yellow mask on the floor
brings to mind this phone pic of a strange local tailor sign with an equally stern face. [IG]
And so…
He combines them, the mouth with vertical lines like the Hamlet logo, a screen with a pussy cat in the background as a visual pun of sexual content, the spigot to her blow-up doll costume inspiring the port on the head, the scissors and script on the sign inspiring the collar with curled cord. [IG]
Also… [IG]
Her pose, hands, and hairline combined with the photographer.
August 5th
From visiting the Smithsonian two weeks prior, I post a video of a media installation [IG]
and a portrait of Nixon by Norman Rockwell. [IG]
My overwhelmed colorful smirk brings him to my filtered Botox smile from December 2017. [IG]
The circle on the wall behind my Botox face makes for an espresso cup, held by Nixon’s repurposed hand. [IG]
When it doubt, compare ear shape.
August 9th
I attend an event for a film about bees and honey. [IG]
So he finds an upload of my silly face with “bee sting lips” during a hospital stay June 2015 for my first lung collapse.
And this reclining pose. [IG]
He draws me as a clown with bee sting lips in a reclined position, using my drink holding hand from above, various veins from the various tubes around me. [IG]
The flotsam behind my head inspires a hat, the V of green inspires a flower.
The air tubes dictate the curve of the cheek and the nose.
August 12th
Two weeks prior, I post a fallen tree outside my building beside potted red flowers [IG]
which brings Stefan to a Sticky Friends photo; the blur of my descending arm, a pot of red apples beside me.
[IG]
August 24th
Two days prior, I post a Playbill from a show with dark wood behind [IG]
which brings him to this pun project I’d made for the (now ex) boyfriend.
He draws on the [flickr] album of the pun graphics.
The anchor hat (water theme) and paper texture from the Nile Song, eye shape (from wing and eye) and pink from the Love Song, ears from the Badger Song, inky vomit from the Puking Song and Doom Song, upraised hand from Stalker Song. [IG]
August 29th
My photo from August 3rd [IG] has him revisit an older drawing. Now with trees added to the background, the telephone pole inspiring the window panes split down the middle. [IG]
August 29th
My attending a play three weeks prior, posing in front of a poster with faces in profile [IG]
reminds him of this old Sticky Friends photo of similar composition.
It’s us. He is crying, one eye looking in my direction. My eyes are blank and see nothing. My clown hat is on the side of my head like the pigtails he often draws me with, the blue and yellow from my photo background used for the colors of his drawing, the loose swoops of the linework of his hair emulating the script lettering.
August 30th
I post an instagram trend of “Three Fictional Characters that Describe Me” [IG]
which brings him to this self portrait I’d taken during a paid gig from 2011 [flickr]
which in turn brings him to his old drawing of me, with a camera around my neck.
Other images from the same hired gig are used in his drawing.
It is us. My teddy bear, shown in Stefan’s initial drawing of me representing innocence and friendship, is now stabbed by a branch we both hold. I blissfully look upwards with eyes looking upon me, flowers growing from my head, while he is slumped forward with thorns, an assortment of clown noses before him. [IG]
The eye of one of the women, the lamps hanging from the ceiling becomes the marionette skull figure with lamp-flower-like gloves holding lit cigars, one skull eye socket square like the eyepatch he drew on me.
Us again.
September 1st
Five days prior, I post myself being comforted by my cat with pale pink lettering [fb]
which brings Stefan to this old Sticky Friends photograph.
The green and blue tint to the drawing matching the wall behind me in my video.
A similarly huge pillow, a cat pattern on the hat to represent my cat. [IG]
September 5th
Three days prior, I post a selfie in a mirror with a joker card next to my face [fb]
My gripping hand
brings him to this self portrait from the Ocean Grove days.
I am reference for the standing figure, the playing card becomes a bag head, my wonky eyes, arm positions, and the pinks and blues reused. I am the curled figure, my legs replicated. [IG]
September 16th
Three weeks prior, I post an alluring dance [fb]. He posts a selfie [fb] with hands in the same position, a patterned towel placed behind him like the snake woman.
September 22nd
email from me
Hospital stays.
I dont know if I have your current phone number, so I figured email was the best way to get in contact.
Hope you are as well as they can go, whatever your circumstances are. Good luck. Be well.
September 28th
I post about a terrible haircut [fb]. A week later he posts a painting of me without the hair.
October 3rd
I post this drawing and make it my cover photo on facebook. [fb]
(which Stefan digs)
and change my facebook image to a profile [fb]
He combines my cover photo and facebook image [fb]
Two weeks apart.
This image as my cover photo [fb] leads Stefan to my cover photos folder. [fb]
In cover photos folder is this photo [fb]
and this photo [fb]
and this photo [fb]
My short natural hair and the fellow standing next to me in a red shirt and a grin brings Stefan back to this photo of me and Mutual Friend.
Next to it in my feed, this photo of Mutual Friend. [flickr]
and next to that, this photo Stefan had taken of me in an empty trash bin, surrounded by arching shapes. [flickr]
My crouching behind circular metal, Mutual Friend’s face, and Twin Peaks…
brings Stefan to Twin Peaks’ Bob
So he draws Bob with elements of my photos. [fb]
His hair the color of my jacket. His face with red shadows to match the red of Friend’s shirt and yellow like my pillowcase. The bedspread is pink like my sheets and my hair.
Bob’s hand is moved, and becomes mine. I have white paint on my finger, so my hand is left uncolored.
November 4th
Six days prior, I post gender-filtered versions of myself. [fb]
He reposts a cropped version of an old selfie [IG]
November 16th
October 3rd, I post a new profile picture [fb]
which brings him back to this self portrait from 2007 with a similar color scheme.
He paints me . [fb]
A character he’d painted before, but he’s painting her again, and aged her. Was she always me?
Oh god. I think she was me.
His painting from 2007:
My older paintings, childhood photos, photos with my BFFs from childhood and teen years, and my self-portraits from 2007 when we met.
He combines them all. Childhood me with the lips of 2007 me, the red halo inspired by my furry hat. The hands from photos of my best friends, the jewelry from the dance portrait, her black lace shawl inspiring the lace addition to the frame, my paintings providing the body horror and pastel color palette.
Me, as a child / best friend / broken person mashup.
On our last Halloween he’d had me pose in front of a zombie painting I’d modeled for. I knew that painting was based on me.
He’d also had me take a photo in front of this painting. It never occurred to me…
His other painting from 2007. Another one of the slew of images he’d sent to me after my hard drive died, with me not understanding why he’d sent his own works amongst our collaborative images. I thought this painting was older? From art school?
The family photos and paintings I think he referenced:
(documenting my uneven pupil size)
He uses the happy face, the headband hair, the uneven pupils.
The round shape with pink and tendrils from a wreath with pink ribbon, diagrams above the head like the math equations on the chalkboard of my painting.
The stripy weeble wobble is my sweater, my red hat becoming a ball floating above. The squigly lines around the circle become rigid bars when near this stripy weeble wobble. The diagonal floor behind me with a line of yellow like at the bottom of the article.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just seeing myself where I’m not.
Maybe this is simply my own madness.
November 16th
One month prior [IG]
Our faces, hair, and coloring [IG]
remind him of this older drawing of his:
He redraws it, updates it with different colors and details. [IG]
November 27th
Two days prior, I reposted two images from that Florida erotic art exhibit from 2013. [IG]
So he posts an old (2007?) photograph of himself dancing with a transwoman in fishnets at a gay club, a hand similarly on her midrif.
Two weeks prior, I post this picture with black and white lapels and hints of orangey red [IG]
which brings Stefan to this image from the Florida erotic art show [flickr]
He adds other photos from that event.
Fetish boots for a hat, steampunk and sunglasses combined, piano teeth, and a splash of red. [fb]
All next to each other [IG] between September 14th and October 14th.
Becomes a child with a scary monster. [fb]
December 4th
It had become apparent through my instagram that I was now dating this fellow (after nearly five years of celibacy). [fb]
Pointing. [fb]
One month apart.
December 5th
Three days prior [IG]
He completes the painting, Stefan’s colors matching ours [IG]
I reposted this older photo from Comicon 2013 [IG]
He posted this the same day. He’s wearing similar colors and cut to the fellow, the silver beads of the mirror frame mimic the silver of my jacket buttons. He crops his image with the piece of mask, like red hair, like it’s a photo of he and I.
(This becomes a trend later.)
An outing with the young man. [fb]
Matching the colors, a cartoon creature on his guitar, a subtle bubble above his head like the thinky heart above my own.
Two days apart.
December 7th
One day apart.
December 10th
I believe all the posts from this day are in reference to one of my last pleading emails to him (relevant bits in bold), revisited due to my recent dating posts.
Secret Agent Man. I posted this to instagram in September. Stefan and I watched all of The Prisoner together in the Ocean Grove days.
Next he’s riffing off this Columbo scene I posted on my instagram in October. The glass behind him, the expression and hand gesture, the Bruce Lee shirt like the squares of video in Robert Culp’s glasses. We watched all of the original run of Columbo together, too.
december 18th
One week prior, a Christmas Event with Station Manager Ken dressed up like the Krampus [IG]
leads Stefan back to the Florida erotic art show 2013 [flickr]
Colors repeated, the rectangles like the art gallery walls behind her, drawn scratchy like the twigs held by the Krampus.
December 29th
I reposted this old favorite [IG] month prior, my Dad’s pose standing in front of a door frame
brings Stefan back to this photo from early Ocean Grove days.
The same strip of wall behind, the shower curtain rod becomes the knife block, his two rings and belt buckle are the knives.. He borrows the texture of the cloth window curtain behind my dad for the background of his drawing. [fb]
They lead Stefan back to Sticky Friends photos.
We were wounded children with each other. [IG]
He uses the dark tones from my winter coat for the blood, adds a pale teal tone to the upper left corner, like that in the cupcake photo background.
December 31st
[IG] Two weeks apart.
[IG]
