June 4th 2014
email from me
I read about all the craziness that went down in Paterson with the sweep. I hope nobody you knew was caught up in it. I hope you are doing alright.
Also, I was wondering if you had found any art of yours with me in it that I could post on my site. I’m trying to at least let my vanity be a means to promote other artists. Check out the site; it’s pretty much done:
http://rachaelnoelfox.com
email from Stefan
I just tried calling your phone but it went straight to VM. Is that still your number?
email from me
I can’t really talk tonight; I’m about to go get some food with the fellow. I don’t really have alone time much, since he mostly works from home during the week, and I’m not really into having phone conversations with others nearby and listening. This is also why I’ve been playing phone tag with <mutual friend> for months now. He’s friends with <boyfriend>, so it’s not like a secret, I just don’t like phone conversations being overheard, and the apartment is too small for privacy.
He’ll be training at work tomorrow from 1pm to 6pm, and Thursday as well, and then working Friday, Saturday, Sunday from 6pm to 1am, if any of those times are good for phone conversation.
Let me know, because I use my phone so rarely. I just got back from a trip on Monday, so I’ve no idea where my phone is in my luggage, and it’s probably dead. I’m perversely pleased that I’ve got a “welfare phone” with a 212 area code, though.
There’s always chat! I’ll be at the computer for most of the evening working on stuff.
email from Stefan
I really can’t talk either… I’m going to do the same with the woman. I had like ten min to talk. Email me tonight when you’re free. Hopefully I’ll be around. Something happened….. I’d rather tell you with my voice.
Maybe later then.
June 5th 2014
email from me
Happen to be awake?
phone call ensues.
email from Stefan
Thanks for letting me ramble
email from me
No problem. Unlike most, I actually mean it when I say “if you ever need an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on, I’ll be there, and if you need help, I’ll do what I can.”
some unrelated back and forth about getting furniture on junk night.
June 15th 2014
email from Stefan
Yeah. I’m working with a detective right now.
email from me
Good luck.
June 20th 2014
email from me
How is stuff?
email from Stefan
Eh…. I really Don’t know. My gate seems to be undetermined right now.
Although I have an appointment Monday with an ortho- surgeon to determine how much damage is going on, and my lawyer called me today happy because the case will be “settled and closed out” within 7 to 8 months. He said all my me bills will be taken care of, and he went in to say, “you’re gonna get what you deserve”. What ever that means exactly.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I have a pending possession case against me though. Which I may be able to use in my case saying that this injury made me relapse. Which… (Even though…I.. made me relapse).. It sorta did. I Don’t know. Things ate bad. I really Don’t wanna do time right now. If I have to… I have to… But. Bleach. My mother’s going for a biopsy next week. Unfortunately she may have cancer that has already been spreading. My dad is very… Very bad at concealing his fear of that possibility.
email from me
Don’t admit to anything. Maybe your current lawyer can help you with your possesion issues? Don’t admit to it, and explain that you’ve been out of it due to your leg and the pain killers you are given. Whatever. It’s a lie, but they don’t have any real evidence. You can admit to being an addict, but deny the fact that he was your guy. The guy threw stuff in your car and ran.
But here’s the thing.
Are you really going to get clean and stay that way if you are still living in that environment, dealing with your leg, and dealing with your mother (possibly) having cancer? Are you honestly going to deal with all of that happening without turning back to your old fave?
I don’t want you to do time. I know it would give your folks more crap and they’d probably take it personally, and that sucks. Especially with your mom going through stuff.
I know that you can find it whereever you go, but you are too comfortable there, you know too well where to go, and it’s too close, and you’ve been riding on the fact that you know a lot of cops. Maybe it’d be better if you lived somewhere that you didn’t so confidently know the scene.
You. Need. To. Get. Clean.
100%
Your family is going to need you. And I know that you want to be the person that they can turn to and depend on. You deserve to let yourself be that for them.
If you want/need a person to call at moments of want, like the way AA people do, I am willing to be that person. Heck, I’d finally have a reason to pay attention to my phone.
Can you check in to an outpatient rehab of some kind in the mean time that might help things and look favorably during your case?
DO NOT forget to ask your lawyer about a Special Needs Trust.
Well, I’ve got no plans on Sunday night, if you want to hang, drive around, look at stuff, talk, vent, scream, etc.
Also, I’m going to some dreaded Mom’s-side family thing in Spring Lake on Monday-Wednesday. So. If you want an excuse to drive down to the shore and hang out on Wednesday, let me know. I have a friend I might visit in Asbury Park on my way back to the city for Wednesday afternoon.
Your friend,
Rachael
June 24th 2014
email from Stefan
Wow… I wrote a whole email from my phone and it”unexpectedly quit” gmail. Lovely.
Anyway, yeah… I’m Not gonna admit anything.
And… I’m kicking right now. I have to because Im skiing that job for the walking dead event on Saturday in Hartford Connecticut. They just called me and said they’re gonna pay for me to stay overnight too to meet some people so I Don’t want to be pouring sweat and in good awful discomfort while airbrushing 600 zombies.
And on Monday, in making up with a surgeon my lawyer at me up with. He said in 7 months my settlement should be coming and I want at the very least, 7 months clean time when I receive that check.
And as far as the case goes, if things go wrong and I have to do time, well… I’ll tell everyone when and if that happens. I Don’t want to cause any more stress on myself or my family as it is. Especially if my mom’s biopsy results are bad.
So much shit. Ugh.
And although I know cops, I Don’t expect it to get me a pass or anything. That’s why I’m preparing myself to hear bad news.
June 25th 2014
email from me
I am in the midst of a family reunion for my mom’s side in Spring Lake.
My stepfather has alzhiemers/dementia, and has gotten skinny and old really quick over the 5 years I’ve not seen him. He’s all there, mentally, for the most part, I guess, but he’s clearly more sensitive, and trying to bond with me, and I am being nice, but I really don’t have it in me to provide him with the “all is forgiven” crap. It’s not, and it never will be. He’s getting pervy, too.
My grandfather is a rich old man who is cheap as fuck. He paid over $3,000 for this Bed & Breakfast He gathered up all the beer and soda we didn’t drink last night, and returned it to the liquor store.
We had a meal for all 40 or so of us at some fancy “country club” place across the street from the ocean, and at the end of the night, my 95 year old grandfather came up to me and said “Rachael, I’m very disapointed in you. You ordered a $14 glass of whiskey.”
“oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”
“well, you must have known. It was an 18 year old whiskey.”
Meanwhile, everyone ordered two to four drinks. I ordered one.
My mother invested nearly $30,000 that she couldn’t afford into a ponzi scheme and now she has to sell her house.
She gets too drunk and too loud.
My mom and I are the last ones up, drinking a ridiculous amount of scotch. My mom poured me a four finger glass.
And now she’s wasted and spilled her whiskey and is telling me all about her and Eddie’s plans for suicide.
Sorry for venting.
I’ll be making my way towards NYC tomorrow. I might stop off and visit a friend in Asbury Park for the afternoon/evening, so if you want to hang tomorrow evening, let me know.
Regardless of what happens with you and your situation, I’ll stand by you and be your friend.
email from Stefan
Vent all ya want.
Yeesh, what a night you had. I can’t believe he made mention of the whiskey. Like, really? Unreal.
So your mom has premeditated plans to off herself and Eddie huh? That sounds… About right.
At least it’s a… nice.. Meh.. night?
I’m always shocked when you say “family reunion”. Like… That you have them, that you attend them, and that you have enough family that participates. But, I’m sure it’s always interesting to see people you’re related to in a way.
So hes getting pervy huh? Gross. I would just always say something loud and make him and everyone feel awkward, unless he makes his comments or his..advances when no ones looking or around. Which makes it even worse.
I Don’t know exactly what else he’s done for you to not forgive him, but even one gross comment or act is more than enough to not forgive in my book.
email from me
My mom just went to bed, clutching the bottle of whiskey as she stumbled up the stairs. I’ve stoen a cigarette from my Aunt and I’m sitting on the front porch as my computer is about to die. I’ll have to take extra sleeping pills so i can actually sleep in the same bed as my farting crazy aunt.
Christ, family is difficult. I want to leave the country.
email from Stefan
I’d sleep on the porch if I were you.
June 28th 2014
email from me
Good gawd.
I ended up trapped at my mom’s house for hours.
I got my dad tickets to King Crimson. Did I mention that? I bought two tickets to King Crimson. They sold out in two hours, and were ridiculously expensive. He didn’t thank me. He thanked me for the cake thing, only a week later when I emailed him for Father’s Day. He didn’t mention the tickets until I pointedly asked him if he got my email. But he still didn’t thank me for them.
Anyway, have you heard any news about your situation with the cops?
Oh, and by the way…. not that you aren’t dealing with enough addiction issues, but really you should quit smoking in preparation of this surgery. Smoking REALLY negatively affects the healing process, especially when it comes to bone. So…. don’t fuck your body up for the rest of your life just by smoking. Quit. At least for a year.
And, if ever you need a non-drinking, non-smoking person to hang out with, remember that I exist.
email from Stefan
In Connecticut… Doing makeup for The walking dead. I’ll write you when I get back to The hotel.
email from me
ooOOOOoooh! Oh yeah!
Gosh, how exciting! I’m so happy for you! I hope you are feeling well and whatnot!
Kick ass! Make those dudes look rotten! You are so very awesome at that! I’m sure you are doing a crazy-good job. 😀