…continued
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April 29th
This photo covered in cats posted one week prior [IG]
leads Stefan back to me petting cats in a Sandman shirt October 2016. [IG]
Upsidedown Marilyn pets the dog to an appropriate song. [IG]
Dream Weaver • Gary Wright
May 22nd
I finally texted back.
He never wrote back to me.
June 3rd
He posts an incredible amount this day. Most are riffing on a span around 2017-2019 from my instagram, going through my art instagram account, or delving into my flickr previous to 2010.
May 31st, four days prior, I post my new radio slot [IG]
The arc and lines brings him a selfie wearing my plague hood while waiting on line for my first vaccine. [IG]
I’d had to drive four hours to get it.
Next to that selfie, an instagram post from February 2021 of my first two oil paintings from adolescence. [IG]
He posts his hair in a perfect circle swirl like my graphic, the black eyes, the horizontal bar like the table edge, the paintbrushes both for painting and for the reflection of people in my mask. [posts]
Depeche Mode • Never Let Me Down Again
I’m taking a ride with my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
He knows where he’s taking me
Taking me where I want to be
I’m taking a ride with my best friend
Now he’s looking at my art instagram. [IG]
His repost. [IG]
And this drawing of mine. [IG] His repost. [IG]
The elbows and hands of my instagram figure drawing from winter/spring of 2019 [IG IG]
and this nearby painting of mine with hat and green shirt [IG]
brings him back to our Passaic River shots. One of our last collaboration days.
He combines the facial angles, his face in profile like my painting, but looking downwards like the photo. He crops the top of image with dark grey where his hat would start, uses a song referencing our location. [IG]
His caption reads: “I’m all sorts of stupid“.
Lesfm, Olexy • In the Forest
This figure drawing from winter/spring of 2019 [IG]
… leads him to a phone pic I’d sent him in 2008. [flickr]
He combines it in composition and color [IG] with another figure drawing of mine. [IG]
Fleetwood Mac • Never Going Back Again
This figure drawing from March 2019 [IG]
brings him back to my self portrait from when we were splitting.
He combines them. [IG]
Madonna • Dress You Up
Gonna dress you up in my love
(All over, all over)
Gonna dress you up in my love
(All over your body)
(He’s playing Soundgarden, but also playing…my radio show?)
My new wallet posted July 2016, with a skull, photographed against the diagonal pattern of black and white marble. [fb]
Soundgarden • Blow Up the Outside World
I‘ve givin’ everything I need
I’d give you everything I own
I’d give in if it could at least be ours alone
I’ve given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down in and blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world
Someone tried to tell me something
Don’t let the world bring you down?
Nothing will do me in before I do myself
So save it for your own and the ones you can help
Want to make it understood
Wanting though I never would
Trying though I know it’s wrong
Blowing it to hell and gone
Wishing though I never could
The skull with the diagonal streaks of rain matching the angle of the marble pattern. A pale hint of pink to the photos on the upper right dictates his font color. [IG]
I take a photo August 2018 in the bathroom of my doctor’s office with my cane, [IG] he posts a photo from a bathroom with a diagonal dash of pink to match my hair, with a song about someone with dyed hair and a cane. [IG]
L7 • Slide
You put your cane into my amp – lettin’ you slide
When it comes to losers, you’re the champ – lettin’ you slide
From my garden I pull your weed – lettin’ you slide
Your stupid ego i will not feed – no
I get a CAT scan at the ER one month prior, a stripe up my head [IG]
which leads Stefan to a photograph from highschool with my part straight down my head. [flickr]
He posts billiards and adds a dagger and a touch of red for the CAT laser line. [IG]
Concrete Blonde • Bloodletting
Agnes Moorehead doing radio on my radio playlist of May 25th [WFMU]
Stefan posts a black and white series of images with captions.
Timecop1983 • It Was Only a Dream
Halloween 2022, I post a signed book of Bruce McCullough’s poetry. [IG]
Stefan finds a “Weeping Blue” tree that matches the shape of the book cover squiggle and tweaks the colors to match the title font. [IG]
Eitan Epstein • The Violin Sadness
April 2019, a shot from a Jersey City bus of a little girl on a pink bike. [IG]
He posts a similar shot, tints it pink. [IG]
Little Shop of Horrors
a favorite of us both.
Little Shop of Horrors
April 2016, I post a book cover about William Shatner being a shill. [IG] Stefan posts a book cover of similar design, adds a doubled up red coffee cup to emulate the red lines around the sub-title. He is using a DeGrasse Tyson book in reference to our trip to see him speak, the coffee cup lid for the dish Tyson reaches towards. He posts the song Space Oddity by Bowie, a song Shatner famously covered. [IG]
David Bowie • Space Oddity
The blue gif matching the woman’s dress behind Neil.
Two images posted October 2015 [IG IG]
Stefan draws Lemmy’s hands braiding my hair. [IG]
Derek Fiechter, Brandon Fiechter • Pixies of the Enchanted Marshes
August 2017, I post my wounded mouth [IG] he posts hurt flesh. [IG]
Pawl D Beats • Viking Music (Wolf Spirit)
He is brought back to these October 2017 selfies,
which leads Stefan to these photos.
He combines the images, the arm around shoulders and hand position, the blue shirt matching Be Kind, and adding the lipstick. The song lyrics matching the four of diamonds prominent. [IG]
Bikini Kill • Rebel Girl
Rebel girl, rebel girl
Rebel girl you are the queen of my world
Rebel girl, rebel girl
I know I wanna take you home
I wanna try on your clothes, uh
That girl thinks she’s the queen of the neighborhood
I got news for you, she is!
They say she’s a slut, but I know
She is my best friend, yeah
Remembering. Recreating.
May 2018. Going to a play with The Brother, the stage with a table and two chairs. [IG]
Stefan angrily juggles in front of a table and two chairs, like this juggling photo I took one of our first times hanging out. [IG]
I post silliness on May 2018. [IG]
Stefan’s selfie includes the pulled down eyes, and a pink telephone that matches my eyeshadow, a phone cord like the spiral hose behind us. [IG]
Nine Inch Nails • This isn’t the Place
And if you see my friend
I thought I would again
A single thin straight line
I thought we had more time
Carry me, carry me home
Nine Inch Nails • This isn’t the Place
The arrow emulated by Stefan’s pointing finger, the sign reading Prof Dum Dum = smerts, me and my friend Nick become Marilyn and a glitch creature, the horizontal stripes of the closet behind my cats and I borrowed for the exasperated kid representing one of my two cats looking tired of my shit. [IG]
May 2018 [IG]
Blue lettering to match the chip. [IG]
Lou Reed • Perfect Day
Oh it’s such a perfect day
I’m glad I spend it with you
oh such a perfect day you just keep me hangin on
you just keep me hangin on
April 2018. Electricity. [IG] It’s sexy. [IG]
Slowdive • Slomo
My love and I go
It’s a curious woe
Like dreamers at dawn
Awake but not yet
You give me your heart
It’s a curious thing
Give me your love
It’s a curious love
It burns and it slides
It’s a curious ride
Give me your heart
April 2018.
I had posted this image with the caption: “When your Uber driver doesn’t speak English, you improvise.” [IG]
so he uses his finger tattoos and drumsticks as notes, the neck tattoo as my crosshatching of the radio speaker, the necklace and shirt collar to frame the radio [IG]
You brilliant boy,
July 2017.
I post my wonky teeth. [IG] He posts a dog with an underbite. [IG]
Bikini Kill •Rebel Girl
I received a care package from an artist friend. [IG]
He posts himself with a gun, similar red lettering, a song about flesh. [IG]
Tool • Parabola
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion
I posted the cover of an old comic I’d found in my collection. [IG] He posts a selfie in the same colors, a song relating to hell. [IG]
The Omen • Ave Satani
October 2017. My unshaved legs, lit from behind. [IG]
His post:
Marilyn + dog = my hairy legs.
Ha ha, very funny. [IG]
The Cure • Lullaby
On candy stripe legs the spiderman comes
Softly through the shadow of the evening sun…
October 2017. I post these socks with the caption: “This is some seriously weird use of trademark.” [IG]
So posts “socks” on his Marilyn. [IG]
Chromatics • Shadow
You’re in the water
I’m standing on the shore
Still thinking that I hear your voice
Can you hear me?
For the last time
At night I’m driving in your car
Pretending that we’ll leave this town
We’re watching all the street lights fade
And now you’re just a stranger’s dream
I took your picture from the frame
And now you’re nothing like you seem
Your shadow fell like last night’s rain
October 2017. A mannequin at my apartment [IG]
brings him back to this old self portrait in Ocean Grove.
He posts a selfie combining them. To represent the opera length gloves, he pulls his sleeves down around his hands and adds black bars. The light pink coming through the window is used for the palm trees that fill the same space as the green plants on my hip. [IG]
Chromatics • Shadow
November 2017. A sunset from my roof. [IG]
He posts his blurred lips and a song about the sun going down. [IG]
The Cramps • I Can’t Hardly Stand It
Well, the sun’s gone down
And you’re uptown
And you’re just out runnin’ around
I can’t hardly stand it
You’re troublin’ me
I can’t hardly stand it it just can’t be
Well, you don’t know oh, babe I love you so
You got me all tore up all tore up
You say you’re through with me
You’re settin’ me free
You’re just out with your used-to-be
Well, my spirit’s low i miss you so
I stand alone and watch you go
Well, now that you are gone and I’m alone
All I do is sit and moan
Oh, you beautiful boy.
November 2017
“When you forgot the neck brace that keeps car rides from worsening your chronic migraines so you lay down in the back seat and you make the driver turn on WFMU and he does not like it but you do not care.” [IG]
This leads Stefan back again to the photo of my laying on my back during March of the Pumpkins.
which leads him to these photos:
In his drawing, the headboard makes wings, the hat braid becomes hair, the blue color from my car ride. [IG]
December 2017. Someone dripped paint on the statue of me at Newark Penn Station. [IG]
He emulates the drippy with an old photo, adds a cross of black like the fencing. [IG]
Bikini Kill • Rebel Girl
Right next to drippy statue me is this repost on January 2018. [IG] He posts red under and arch. [IG]
Your mind is spectacular.
May and October 2017. [IG IG] His photo with crossed arms for the “poison” cup, the blue and red for the pack of Parliaments, his arm tattoo visible for the Jack Daniels logo flourishes, the overall tone for whiskey. [IG]
Bikini Kill • Rebel Girl
October 2017. Testing out my Spike costume [IG]
leads him to this old flickr self portrait from before we met. [IG]
He posts a selfie with Marilyn showing. [IG]
Andrea Krux • The Mermaid’s Song
(Another musical reference to the ocean.)
October 2017. [fb]
captioned: “As a reminder that the sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s paved the way for some creepy-pervy behavior, here’s a photograph of me in the early 80’s taken by my stepfather who was then in his 40’s.”
My pose brings him to this photo he took of himself in Ocean Grove 2007
followed by another photo from that first summer together.
The teal with the splotches of green of his selfie replicated. He gives me protective spikes. [IG]
Gothic Summer • Prayers
No love, just hate
I swear they’re the same
They both ignite passion
They both ignite pain
The price I pay left me empty in vain
I swear that life’s against me ’cause it’s getting in the way
October 2017. Me as Spike the vampire [IG]
leads Stefan back to my Halloween photos from 2011 as a Hammer Horror vampire victim. [flickr flickr]
Intentionally blurry (like my victim photo) makes his teeth look fanged and the neck tattoo just two lines to match my vampire bite marks. His lips match the tones of my leather jacket. [IG]
Siouxsie and the Banshees • Spellbound
From July 2018, the resurrection of Deep Red, a horror magazine. [IG]
Which brings him to this shot from Ocean Grove.
His photo similarly blurry to the black and white one, “processing” to represent the camera, middle fingers and blood splatter for the Deep Red photo. [IG]
The Chromatics • Shadow
June 2017. Mystery scratch. [IG] His response. [IG]
I posted this MRI March 2017, a side view of my abdomen, my fractured tailbone, my internal organs collapsing downwards crushing my bladder, my spine diagonal. [fb]
And so Stefan posts his hands playing guitar, similar curves in both, the neck of the guitar like my spine angled upwards, the black string and chain in his hands like the curved lines in the left of the MRI. [IG]
Brian Eno • An Ending (Ascent)
I reposted this older image on July 2017 [IG]. Stefan posts his old molasses selfie with a bar across his chest. [IG]
August 2017. Miss Kitka licking Rolo’s eyes [IG] reminds Stefan of the phone pics I sent him in the Ocean Grove days.
So he tints his [IG] drawing pink and blue.
Dead Can Dance • Opium
Sometimes
I feel the ocean in my blood
See rain from the sky above
Her salt brine tears
And now
Those tears leave a taste on my tongue
Like the warm rush you get from
Black opium
Black opium
Sometimes
I feel like I want to leave
Behind all these memories
And walk through that door
Outside
The black night calls my name
But all roads look the same
They lead nowhere
They lead nowhere
The hearts match my hair.
September 2017. I post a photo of William Berger from WFMU who died of an overdose. [IG]
Stefan posts pointy things. [IG]
Like the microphones, and ceiling fixtures. And needles.
The lettering at the bottom matches the glow on William Berger’s T-shirt.
Gothic Summer • Prayers
September 2017. I post another photo of William Berger [IG]
… which leads Stefan to this photo I took of him in my Aunt’s basement
Which in turn brings him back to our New Years Eve photos in Ocean Grove.
The lightbulb above Stefan’s head becomes an angler fish. My hair wisps become chin strands. [IG]
Andrea Krux • The Mermaid’s Song
Green lettering to match the bottles on the table.
The red chairs at New Years Eve in the previous post brings him to these photographs I took in a Manhattan bar in 2011. [flickr flickr]
which Stefan turns into an erotic scene. [IG IG]
Andrea Krux • The Mermaid’s Song
Chairs and the woman’s exposed back from the previous post brings him back to the Ocean Grove kitchen and these Sticky Friends photos.
He photographs Marilyn as me. [IG]
Remembering. Recreating.
May 2017. A still from a Bill Zebub B-movie I was in. [IG]
Stefan mimics his pose. The glitch rectangle matches my outfit, hair, and car below; the teal hanging matches the windows behind, the horizontal bars representing the railings behind us. [IG]
Another movie still, [IG] and Stefan’s recreation. [IG]
Alice Phoebe Lou • Witches
You’ve got this golden way of making my body sway
Of making my mind fly away
Of making it fly
It’s a world I love to be in
Come on, let’s go high above the ceiling
Oh, what we could be feeling
His red straps match my lips, the hot pink matches my eyeshadow.
Another photo from filming. [IG] Stefan posts with similar snaps on the shirt, he puts lines on either side of his head like the stair railings behind me. [IG]
Siouxsie And The Banshees • Spellbound
September 2017. I post the ceiling of the Loew’s Movie Palace in Jersey City. [IG] He posts a similarly ornate ceiling fan. [IG]
I also post the interior of the movie palace with it’s ornate arches. [IG]
He even recreates the blue glow. [IG]
June 4th
He continues to move through my images from 2017 and earlier.
July 2017. The red fire hydrant and her stance [IG] brings Stefan back to
this photograph, also recently reposted nearby [IG]
We are combined into a sexual embrace. [IG]
Her torso, my feet and calf.
Pink Floyd • Learning to Fly
Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction is holding me fast
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can’t keep my eyes from the circling sky
Tongue-tied and twisted
Just an earth-bound misfit, I
June 2017. I drink soda that matches my hair. [IG] Stefan posts a photo of similar composition, makes it sexual. [IG]
Nine Inch Nails • Closer
Singing performers becomes sexiness. [IG IG]
Nine Inch Nails • Closer
June 5th
Sexy bloody fun brings him back to this exchange:
June 24th 2008
email from Stefan
[ excerpt ]
I’m not sensitive……..but that…puts me in a bad mood.
I’m in a bad…..mood. I might hit someone tonight.
I want my knuckles to bleed.
email from me
[ excerpt ]
Remember:
I’m always willing to lick your bloodied knuckles.
Bloody knuckles to a song from the vampiric film From Dusk Til Dawn
Tito & Tarantula After Dark
March 2016. More knuckles. WFMU marathon show. [flickr] His guitar fingers. [IG]
Kansas’ Dust in the Wind.
Tito & Tarantula After Dark
June 7th
He continues going back in time through my images. All of this day’s posts are abstract and referencing a span of Instagram/facebook from 2014-2016:
December 2014. I post a photograph of the boyfriend [IG] with the caption:
“We were watching a TV show. I turned around to find this happening. :D”
Stefan posts himself in a similar pose, with a clever choice of lyrics. [IG]
Rasputina • Sign of the Zodiac
Look all around you and notice you’re not alone
We want to give you the courage to go a different way
March 2014. I post a 50 cent avocado cut in half [fb] next to a lens adapter [fb]
Stefan posts a whole avocado with salt.
Yaz • Only You
All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you
April 2016. Random items I’d been gifted. [IG]
Do-si-do is a dance move where two partners face each other, walk around each other back-to-back, and then return to their starting positions.
“Louie Louie” tells the story of a lovesick sailor’s lament to a bartender about wanting to get back home to his girl.
Stefan posts a photo of similar composition [IG] with lyrics of similar subject matter as “Louie Louie”
Yaz • Only You
Looking from a window above, it’s like a story of love
Can you hear me
Came back only yesterday
I’m moving further away
Want you near me
(I’m not totally confident with this one)
July 2014. My bruised vein from turning a faucet. [IG] His reinterpretation [IG]
Fleetwood Mac • The Chain
And if you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (never break the chain)
November 2014. Virgil Finlay artwork. [IG] He posts a kalimba/mbira [IG] mimicking the curves and shapes.
You brilliant abstract weirdo.
Fleetwood Mac • The Chain
Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise
Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies
March 2015. I photograph NYC helicopters. [IG] Stefan posts guitar sounds. [IG]
I love your mind.
February 2014. A trip to the gyno. [IG] Both my photo and his [IG] have metal with little screw wheels, a heart shape from the forceps.
TOOL•Parabola
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion
May 2014. The shelving of a local store. [IG] He posts a clever shot of similar color and composition. [IG]
To a song with lyrics about love and the rising tide.
Floor Jansen • Oblivion
Since I was young
I knew I’d find you
But our love was a song
Sung by a dying swan
And in the night
You hear me calling
You hear me calling
And in your dreams
You see me falling, falling
Breathe in the light
I’ll stay here in the shadows
Waiting for a sign as the tide grows
Higher and higher, and higher
June 8th
January 2014. I attended an immersive opera about Milli Vanilli [flickr flickr]
Stefan uses the green of the wall projection and the figures for a romantic scene [IG]
Bjork • Human Behavior
You can see the original line of the back before he changed it for his drawing.
June 12th
December 2013. An on air party in Studio A at WFMU. [IG] Stefan posts images from a recording studio. [IG]
February 2014. I captioned this with: “Today I wore colors. I love colors.” [IG]
My hair curls and colorful outfit reminds him of Rainbow Brite.
He indicates this by adding in that same specific slightly swollen star shape.
He’s duplicated my hand in his drawing [IG] and added matching colors. [IG]
August 2014. I post this [IG] with the caption:
“I about an hour after I left the hospital for the procedure ON MY NECK, I was informed of massive bruises on the backs of my upper thighs. Here’s what they look like. I’ve no idea why they exist.”
A bit abstract, but the chair back becomes the bracelet, the angle of the book matches the diagonal black line, the avocado for the bruising texture, the paper sticking out from the book like my tummy rolls. [IG]
Legend of Zelda • Song of Storms
(A song that can summon a wingless fairy that restores Link’s health and magic.)
November 2013. [fb]
I was the wheel girl at the WFMU information booth.
And with a song with lyrics that mention fate.
He posts himself with similar colors, rock n roll hands for WFMU. Why covering the hindi word for “wickedness/evil”? [IG] Good luck?
Mazzy Star • Into Dust
Still falling
Breathless and on again
Inside today
Beside me today
Around, broken in two
‘Til your eyes shed into dust
Like two strangers turning into dust
‘Til my hand shook with the weight of fear
I could possibly be fading
Or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing older
I could feel myself under your fate
Under your fate
February 2014. I went to a play and photographed my signed playbill. [IG] Stefan recreates the arrows and adds a writing hand. [IG] Adds some classy music.
Yo-yo Ma Cello Suite no. 1
June 15th
September/October 2013 [fb]. Three versions of me.
A sketchy liney drawing [IG]
The lightening bolt at the top of the lavendar drawing inspires the song.
Black Sabbath • Electric Funeral
February 2014.
Captioned with: “My new higher-dosed Lyrica is a very pretty creamy red color. I’d love to find a lipstick this shade.” [IG]
So his lips are blurred out. The red pills are the Superman logo. His Superman S is backward, like Saturday’s upsidedown backwards S. The remote on the wall is the bottle in the background. [IG] His song of choice is both Superman and lipstick related. Brilliant.
Rocky Horror Picture Show • Super Heroes
And super heroes
Come to feast
To taste the flesh
Not yet deceased
And all I know
Is still the beast
Is feeding.
August 2015. Miss Kitka eating a cardboard box [IG] Stefan posts a self portrait of his behind a box, like he’s eating it. [IG]
Soap&Skin • Mr. Gaunt Pt. 1000
I fell in love with you
But I know, I know that’s just a sky
I don’t know where, where I go
March 2015. I post a favorite comic book cover. The blue tinted tile, reaching hands, touch of red and yellow in a bathroom [IG]
… brings Stefan back to this photo we took in Ocean Grove. [flickr]
He combines the compositions for his photograph. Elbows and papertowels repeated. [IG]
Duran Duran • Ordinary World
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is my friend when I need you most? (Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Remembering. Recreating.
June 16
A stone textured maternal scene. [IG]
Soap&Skin • Safe With Me (Instrumental)
July 2014. I post farewell to my favorite pair of falling apart undies. [IG] Again with the Superman shirt. [IG]
Soap&Skin • Wonder
Don’t forget to pray
to keep it away
away from every day
where you wonder
why we can’t be .
October 2014. Then-current boyfriend [flickr] brings Stefan back to me with 2001’s then-future boyfriend.
Stefan combines them. [IG]
And other photos of our last Halloween.
He draws me in profile with blood splatter, the blue-green color from the tones of my siblings’ white tops [IG]
Jaxius • Fright Night
(Keeping with the vampire theme.)
December 2014. My Batman action figure nativity. [IG]
Which leads him to this Harley Quinn post from May 2017 [IG] and back to this nearby shot of me wearing red tights with holes that remind of Harley. [IG]
He draws my pose, the yellow of Harley’s background, her hand, her thinky bubbles turned to black ink splotches matching the style of my painted backdrop. [IG]
TOOL • Eulogy
So long
We wish you well
You told us how you weren’t afraid to die
Well, so long
Don’t cry
Or feel too down
Not all martyrs see divinity
But at least you tried
Standing above the crowd
He had a voice that was strong and loud
We’ll miss him
We’ll miss him
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart
June 17th
December 2013. A portrait [fb] [tumblr] by photographer Joanne Leah.
My bare shoulder leads him back to this photo of us.
The blown out white shape of the door in his photo emulates the fake building on the wall behind me, the blue lettering matching the blue of the wall behind him. [IG]
Enya • Boadicea*
Remembering. Recreating.
* Boadicea was a British warrior queen who, when faced with defeat, took her own life with poison.
August 2013 [IG] with a shot of my outfit beside it, bent knee, shoe cropped.
Martin Czerny • Endless Road of Grief
Stefan posts an odd selfie. [IG]
August 2013. More of that outfit. My feet [IG] and shirt [IG] and food [IG]
Stefan posts a video ending with his stripey feet being eaten by plants, the technicolor plants matching my shoes, the “Little Shop of Horrors” logo matching the colors of my shirt and socks. [IG]
June 19th
January 2014. Again, when I attended an immersive opera about Milli Vanilli. [IG]
This brings Stefan back to this 2009 photo I took of him drumming.
So Stefan photographs an piece of eye, a shine of metal. [IG]
Soap&Skin • Cynthia
I’m waiting for this test to end
For this test to end
I’m waiting for this test to end
For this test to end
Hi, I’m losing myself in you, high
I’m losing
Bayou rolling inside
I’ve dived in it
In wide, in you
You say all
Heartmill
You will
March 2014. I’d reposted the lamppost [IG] again, so these [IG] were next to each other in my instagram.
He combines them into this odd video [IG]
June 22nd
July 2013. The face and arms of my subway drawing [IG] brings Stefan back to a photo from 90’s Brooklyn.
He combines them into a loose drawing of similar color palette. The male figure is sitting on a tree stump because of the wooden drawer randomly on the hallway floor. [IG]
The Cranberries • Dreams
…
You’re what I couldn’t find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me
Oh, my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh, my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
‘Cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me
Another 90’s Brooklyn photo inspires a loose sketch, color matching the wooden drawer in the foreground. [IG]
The Cranberries • Dreams
Oh, my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh, my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems
I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you
October 2014. I get my TNR Certification [IG] and post photos of the kittens I was rescuing [IG]
Which brings him back to this selfie of him with Mister Mangles
and this one also, from our first months in Ocean Grove.
He combines them for another sketchy drawing with the texture and color of my TNR card. [IG]
The Cranberries • Dreams
…
Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be
I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they’ll come true
Impossible not to do
Possible not to do
And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me…
March 2016. I post [IG] with the caption:
“Good morning. Here is an awesome mug I just bought. Also, my only tattoo is visible; a ring of white around my pinky.”
which leads Stefan back to October 30th 2009.
I took this photo after the Haunted Hayride when we were slowly splitting. I didn’t realize when I took it that he had tears in his eyes. Even while it was happening he was regretting it.
In his new photograph, his finger tattoo creates a hovering tear. [IG] Appropriate lyrics.
Neil Young • Hey Hey, My My (Into The Black)
Hey hey, my my
Rock and roll can never die
There’s more to the picture
Than meets the eye
his caption reads: “Glistening lids”
They become a dancing devil under a rainy moon, the color of the subway ceiling. [IG]
One month prior. May 25th of this year. My [WFMU] radio playlist includes these images for my appreciation of Exorcist III.
which brings him to this old Sticky Friends portrait.
He uses the blue light from the Exorcist scene, our heads, and keeps the vertical line behind my head in his drawing.
[IG]
Soap&Skin • Cynthia
I’m waiting for this test to end
For this test to end
I’m waiting for this test to end
For this test to end
Hi, I’m losing myself in you, high
I’m losing
Bayou rolling inside
I’ve dived in it
In wide, in you
You say all
Heartmill
You will
May of this year. This glitchy video about WFMU…
…reminds Stefan of this old phone pic I’d sent him from Ocean Grove.
He combines the various graphics I use in the video, including the portrait of Peter Cushing in the background.
Soap&Skin • Cynthia
What clinches it is the line behind the shoulder in the same spot at the leaf photo.
June 23rd
My radio playlist from four days prior includes this gif [WFMU]. The pink color and arm raised
brings him back to this selfie from July 2017 with pink hair and eyeshadow [IG]
which in turn leads him back to this sad bald selfie from May 2017. [IG]
My bald head, the floppy leaf from my folded over belt bags, the tendrils like my headphone wire, the wrinkles of my grey top looking like petals around my neck, the blue from Hendrix. [IG]
TOOL • Forty Six & 2
Join in my child
And listen, digging through
My old numb shadow
My shadow’s shedding skin
I’ve been picking scabs again
I’m down, digging through
My old muscles looking for a clue
I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been
I’ve been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in
I want to feel the changes coming down
I want to know what I’ve been hiding
My June 19th [WFMU] playlist also includes this gif of Philip K Dick. The tan color and lines and facial angle brings him to…
March 2015 auto-uploads from March 2015 with my cats laying around me.
which inspires another leaf pixie to a song with an appropriate title. [IG IG]
Ruby Lewis • Pet Cemetery
The obscured jaw and chin makes for a pixie face, the cat hair making extended eyelashes, blanket wrinkles for leaf ears, blue color from PKD.
June 24th
I’m not sure about this one.
He photographs himself on the ground, draped in black, his things on paper in the foreground, a strange black shadow on the right. [IG]
Soap&Skin • Pray
Constantly announcing hell
The joy not to be
To die of not dying
How to be appalled
When you’re death’s best friend
Condemned to choke
Every word I pray
“Who was pretending us?”
Condemned to choke
Every word I pray
Ocean Grove days. [IG]
Remembering. Recreating.
Soap&Skin • Pray
You came
And read the current and the gas
You closed the doors in our house politely
Like someone who isn’t well versed in life
The June 19th [WFMU] playlist also includes images from my favorite childhood picture book, The Rainbow Goblins
which brings Stefan back to childhood books.
May 2014, I post the cover of my childhood copy of Dr Seuss’ “My Book About Me”. I am surly and surrounded by daisies. [IG] The teal frame and flowers behind me leads him to
this photo I’d posted December 2020 wearing a dress with teal and yellow flowers. It is captioned with the following:
“My stepbrother, at age 14, repeatedly had me, as a five year old, jerk him off when he’d babysit me.” [fb]
Stefan draws me as a flower pixie with a sad face. He gives me protective spikes, branches and vines from the Rainbow Goblins. [IG]
Enya • Boadicea
(Boadicea again.)
June 25th
Again, the June 19th playlist [WFMU] includes this record cover
with bare tattooed forearms, bent elbows, and reaching hands.
which brings Stefan back to this sleazy shot from November of 2007.
He combines the green of the Graveyard water with various body parts. [IG]
June 26th
Five days prior. A video with migraine while attending The Cure in concert by myself [fb]
… brings him to this eyebrow selfie from January 2018, similar facial angle and vertical stripe of wall behind me. [IG]
in that same eyebrow post, this image.
He adds The Cure logo,
and uses these colors
for a pixie with silly eyebrows, ears from my long hair pieces, horns inspired from the metal beam behind me, the blue of my hair, the dark pink from the corner of my eye, to a song about going to see the best band. [IG]
Benny Goodman • Alexander’s Ragtime Band
Come on and hear
Come on and hear
Alexander’s Ragtime Band
Come on and hear
Come on and hear
It’s the best band in the land!
He adds a star over the head to fill the compositional role of my HELP sign.
But why a star? Because it puts the pixie underneath a star, as the waves break.
The Cure • Underneath the Stars
Floating here like this with you
Underneath the stars
Alight for 13 billion years
The view is beautiful
And ours alone tonight
Underneath the stars
Spinning round and round with you
Watching shadows melt the light
Soft shining from our eyes
Into another space
Is ours alone tonight
Underneath the stars
And the waves break
And the waves break
Whisper in my ear a wish
“We could drift away”
Held tight
Your voice inside my head
The kiss is infinite
And ours alone tonight
“We could drift away”
Flying here like this with you
Underneath the stars
Alight for 13 billion years
The view is beautiful
And ours alone tonight
Underneath the stars
And everything gone
And all still to come
As nothing to us
Together as one
In each others arms
So near and so far
Forever as now
Underneath the stars
As the waves break
June 30th
Again, the June 19th radio playlist [WFMU]
A naked back
and fushia of this background
brings Stefan back to this sleazy photo again
and this 2007 selfie right beside it in the flickr feed.
He draws it into a romantic kiss. The same eyebrows, arc and wisps of hair, piece of ear. He keeps the fushia, orange, and blue tones of Animal and Buddy Rich, gives me Average White Band hair. [IG]
and a phallic looking arm.
Back to January 2018
He draws me as a child demon. [IG]
Arc of hat making the brow bone, eyepatch making huge eyes, mohawk hat tendrils making eyelashes, triangle of space above my eye making a pointy eyebrow.
Now a theme of Mohawks.
April 2010 / March 2018
He draws me as a fish. blue from my eyes. [IG]
My fin shaped ear, the lines of the molding and curtain behind me .
At the beginning of this month, I rant about WFMU merch and brain exploding migraines. [IG]
Which brings him to this 2009 self portrait, inspecting my blonde roots in the bathroom [flickr]
In his photograph, my blonde roots and black hair are emulated by the stripey shower curtain, my stripey socks like the blind shadows. He clutches his head like my migraine self, and tones everything yellow [IG]
July 6th
Stefan’s post uses a wordless version of Greensleeves. [IG] I didn’t know it had lyrics.
Greensleeves
Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
To cast me off discourteously.
For I have loved you well and long,
Delighting in your company.
Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady Greensleeves.
Your vows you’ve broken, like my heart,
Oh, why did you so enrapture me?
Now I remain in a world apart
But my heart remains in captivity.