October 17th, 2010
Email from me to Stefan
Also.
I love you.
I do.
I have cared more for you than I’ve ever cared for anyone. My emotions for you dwarf anything I’ve ever felt for anyone. Those few people that i’ve ever really cared about, the ones that have been but a fraction of your significance, I still care about them.
I know for a fact, then, that I will always love you. I will always care for you more than anyone who ever came before.
Whatever anger, whatever bitter bile, whatever sharp words you throw at me, I won’t love you less.
I have enough self-preservation to stay away from you, to keep from the opening the same wounds again and again. I have the sense to know that I can’t have you as part of my life while certain questions remain unanswered.
But my love for you remains.
And always will.
I still tried to get him to visit me for Halloween. He didn’t. We only saw each other in person a perhaps six times after this.