September 28th 2008
email from me
[excerpt]
You really don’t understand how attractive you are to others. I’m not just talking about your physicality in a sexual way (you already heard my stance on that), though that too plays in, especially with the ladies and their rather uncooth and uncomfortable advances…. but even just insofar that humans always prefer other humans they find physically appealing, even in job interviews and whatnot.
But moreso… I’m referring to just YOU…. that glowing alien alternative life path that you represent to most, your personality, your demeanor, your body language, your personal style, your honesty, your spark of child-joy, your very selective social manner, your many talents and abilities, your open eyes and observation, the amazing control and Stefan-ness that you DO possess in SPADES…. It makes people CLAMOR to be near you. To be part of your inner circle. To possess some small part of your attention.
I don’t think you realise exactly how bright a flame you are to so many moths.
I am well aware of your lack of ego in these matters.
However… to those that don’t understand that about you… it looks only as matter of you being reckless with your presence. Like some sort of fake posturing. Of lacking self control for being so flagrantly free with your person. Enchanting others with little effort and faux humility like a pied piper. It just doesn’t compute to most that you could be as… “impressive” (i can’t think of exactly the word I’m looking for… “awesome”?) a person as you are, a person who so clearly draws others to him with ease as you do… and not be VERY conscious of it and dictating it’s power, control and use.
To those that see you through moth eyes to some degree…. there’s some competition involved, too, I’d imagine. Some jealousy at play.
Or, because through moth eyes they see so few faults in you … it becomes a thing of comfort to find some perceived flaw…. something to cling to and point out in hyper critical manner to compensate for their own insecure sense of self.
Much like it doesn’t often occur to me to see my body or anyone else’s as anything other than natural flesh, as nothing particularly attractive or sexual unless having been presented in a personally relevant erotic manner…. You don’t see anyone, but most ESPECIALLY yourself, as worthy of the kind of cult of personality and enthusiasm that you generate…. and like me, it is far easier for your actions to be perceived by others as doing it on purpose… for the attention.
But… That’s not a flaw. Not in you, at least.
(i mean, it’d be nice if you could get a better grasp your worth, but I wouldn’t want you to not be kind to people just because they might cling too tightly. )
I like the way you are… And wouldn’t want that to change as one of your innate behaviors…. because that’s just the way you swim through the world. It’s only a shame that it’s not a trait that’s more easily comprehended or appreciated by others.
Goodness… I’ve been rather verbose.
The gist of all of this is…. (and I say this without any sense of sarcasm) … Stefan, you’re just too awesome. Even the people who can’t comprehend it in the ways that they should… even the self serving, even people who have a limited spectrum of vision, even THEY recognise somehow that there’s something that’s just more honest, more worthwhile, more selfless, and terribly rare in you… than they’ll find in most people on earth.