Controls appear when hovered over.
January 8th
right next to it in the self portrait album, 2012 New Mexico. [flickr]
He combines the selfies with the bright red. [fb]
the diagonal straps like my eyepatch.
January 9th
Riffing off of red and lights brings him to this photo from November 2021, my seeing the band Human Impact play.
The doorknob is where the lightbulb is and the floor molding is at the same angle as the arm, with the hoodie string where the guitar strap hangs. [fb]
January 12th
Because of my love of the radio play (podcast) The Horror of Dolores Roach, I post the wrappers from a local eaterie named Empanada Loca two months previous. [IG]
He posts a check from a corporation, similarly arranged. [fb]
I feed my cats in red lighting, reviewing films about heartbreak and suicide. [IG]
Marilyn’s face is upsidedown while Stefan pets Sooki to a song about love and hell. [fb]
January 17th
Two days prior, vascular scans of my brain, arrows looking like hooks. [IG ]
He posts hooks in flesh. [fb]
January 21st
Four days prior. Doorknob placards I got at a movie screening. [IG ]
He puts white lettering over his face like the door signs; her face, lower than his, making a similar face as the DISTURB placard. [fb]
February 4th
From my radio playlist two days prior. [WFMU] The painting of Patrick McGoohan as the warden from the film ‘Escape From Alcatraz’, an unflattering portrait that causes the inmate to have his painting supplies taken away.
Stefan posts his paints. [fb]
New Years Eve. [IG]
The red light, the elements of purple, the black bottle (?) in a box like my reflection framed in the mirror. [fb]
Video from this week, recording a saxophone player in my neighborhood.
Stefan’s photo shows a guitar neck at the same angle as the crosswalk, fingers matching the building color on the upper right, his caption: “Trying to make this warped piece of shit playable. Every instrument deserves a chance.” [fb]
Posted December [fb] and a belated birthday suit photo [fb] posted January 3rd:
The digital covering of my bits with circles and a triangle brings him to billards, the table angled like my selfie, his one hand visible, like mine.
February 5th
One week prior, I repost an old photo of my meeting Phil LaMarr after seeing PeeWee’s Playhouse on Broadway. [IG]
This reminds Stefan of a MadTV sketch with Phil Lamarr about aerobics.
So Stefan posts this, random retro aerobics. [fb]
February 10th
One day prior, I have director Victor Bonacore on my radio show to promote his new film THRUST! My [WFMU] playlist includes these images.
One month prior. A book I bought at the local thrift store. [IG]
The flowers and pose of characters on the cover brings him to these photos taken together in 2017. [flickr flickr]
We become ballerinas with tutus of flowers. [fb]
February 12th
Two weeks prior. I post amusing text with a color palette of pinks, blues, teals, yellow and a floor of brown. [IG] So does he. [fb]
Blue and face petting. [IG] One week apart. [fb]
Blue and faces brings him here. Five months previous something shifted in my neck, leaving me without the ability to be upright. I posted this photo and video, pleased to have found a way to function anyway [IG]
Which brings him to this facedown Sticky Friends photo from the Ocean Grove days
my squished face brings him to this sleazy cleavage shot we did.
My tabletop face pressed between breasts, his tattoo becomes the hair swirls, fingernails, the ear from the teapot handle, the color taken from the video of my ranting. [fb]
The suckling demon baby above
brings him to an autoupload from January 2015, a red devil with a hair curl.
He draws a devil with a hair curl. [fb]
February 16th
Two months prior I myself opening the Sun Ra art book, with series of circles and swishy lettering. [IG] He posts his gripping hand with circles, colors, and swishy lettering. [fb]
February 18th
May 6th of 2022. Seeing Negativland play, the Weatherman sings a song about listening to Black Sabbath at 78 [IG]
so Stefan photographs a yellow lollipop with red and green inside and white behind, a small satanic goat in reference to Black Sabbath with a pink heart like the DJ’s pink face. [fb]
February 19th
September of 2022. [IG]
The headshot reminds him of this photo of a playbill from
February 2022. [IG]
The colorful planets lead Stefan to photograph billiards.
Tinting the photo so the man’s sleeves match my orange, his pose matching my bent knee stance, the white curved border of the logo like the triangular pool ball rack. [fb]
February 20th
January. Screenings for the film Infinity Pool. I post a shot I didn’t take of the actors posing with a collar and leash, as well as a shot I did take in front of a movie screen, the man’s wide stance. [IG]
Stefan posts a cat on a leash, his colors matching the tile background, the man with a similarly wide stance. [fb]
One month apart.
Five days prior, I rant about the shittiness of a volunteer production of Mozart’s requiem. [IG] Stefan posts a child terribly singing a religious song with matching colors at the top right and bottom of the frame. [fb]
Ten days apart. [IG] More aerobics, matching my outfit. [fb]
Five days apart. Another abstract connection. [IG] He matches the teal of my outfit to the girl’s hair, a doorway behind her with blue light in the background, my shiny tight pants and hand positions like the guitarist and the girl [fb].
Back again to 2022. I’d reposted this Sticky Friends photo on Valentine’s Day. [fb] He posts more aerobics [fb]
“Can you hear my heartbeat?”
October 2022. I met Bruce McCullough of Kids in the Hall. [IG]
which leads Stefan to a Kids in the Hall sketch where he does a commercial for a plate-full of poo
so he combines them by posting a video of a Firesign Theater sketch about eating rats and other offal, the expression of the woman in the sketch matching my own. [fb]
New Years Eve again. My glittery outfit with 80’s boots and angular white background. [IG] He posts similar. [fb]
Gloria, don’t you think you’re fallin’?
If everybody wants you, why isn’t anybody callin’?
You don’t have to answer
Leave them hangin’ on the line
Two months apart.
texts between me and Stefan
I wasn’t blocked, I was restricted. My response was flippant, but I was trying not to reveal how hurt and betrayed I felt.
Again.
I didn’t respond for months.
I could clearly read the comments from bros who told him to start making NFTs, the thin meaningless compliments from easily impressed strangers, but my comments on his instagram posts were invisible to everyone. It all held too many painful shades of the past when I was kept separate from everything and forbidden from interacting with the other people in his life.
I regret everything about this exchange and wish every single fucking day that I’d handled it differently.
Or were our roles now reversed? Was he hurt by my refusal to have him crash at my apartment? Was Stefan the one now incapable of interacting as platonic friends, unable to handle the idea that his romantic intentions were one sided?
Either way, it would seem he was struck silent, expressing it all through his art, paralyzed in both hope and fear that I’d figure it all out.
Well, fuck you, I figured it out.
February 22nd
punchy. [fb]
Excerpt of an email to Stefan from 2010:
January 23rd. A theater interior video before a play. [IG] He posts the night sky. Both panning upward to red and white dots above. [fb]
One month apart.
February 23rd
Back again to 2022. February I post a series of photos and video expressing my frustration at a bad haircut after growing it out for years. [IG]
This brings him again back to these random phone uploads.
I am both the baby face and the mom face, the color of his dictated by the color of my video. [fb]
February 26th
Again panning, now to two white circles.
One month apart.
My silly video [IG] and his. [IG] Three days apart.
Back to New Years…
My New Years Eve selfie my hand behind my head [IG]
brings him back to this photo with a fist in my hair.
My New Years Day selfie in a scarf and leather jacket [IG]
brings him to me wearing the same scarf and a leather jacket from April 18th 2011. [flickr]
Next to my 2011 selfie in the flickr feed is this toy. [flickr]
He combines them. My cupcake face now has a ball gag inspired by my NYE necklace, the toy becomes a squirrel worm. [IG]
Purple lettering to match my necklace, dark pink to match my cupcake face, the image toned to match my New Years skin.
January 3rd. a belated birthday suit photo [fb]
right below it is this image of my spine. [fb]
My recent nudie brings him to this older nude photograph from 2014.
He draws my pose from behind, using my curved Xray as dragon tattoo inspiration, the crooked angled lines like my crooked spine, the green tint. My photo logo at the bottom right provides the dark red of the ink. [IG]
Looking at my recent New Years Eve photos, he is reminded of how we spent our first New Years Eve together, in Ocean Grove eating steak. [flickr]
So he cooks two steaks.
And still manages to get in some Taylor Dayne lyrics about love in his video. [IG]
I post a video about dying my hair. [IG] He posts about his hair, tinted yellow to match the yellow of my scarf. [IG] Every song is chosen with purpose.
Same day.
I post a video about the mundanity of my day’s plans [IG] and so does he. [IG] Posted the same day. Tinted blue like the blue light and box peeking out in the background.
My mirror selfie video stance brings him back to Hedwig in April of 2015. [flickr]
Weird angle giving me a round jawline, and holding the phone becomes claw hand, the eyes behind me provide the circles and tint of the drawing [IG]
This photo [flickr] next to the Solar dancing devil in 2015 that inspired a dry erase drawing.
A new dry erase drawing. More red. More ears. Me and my cat combined. [IG]
The red and cat face leads Stefan to my Fox slippers from 2014. [flickr]
He talks about bunny slippers. His shirt matches my slippers. He is smoking and scratching so Marilyn is repeatedly visible while he’s timed it so Depeche Mode sings “all I ever wanted all I ever needed is here in my arms” (or on his hand). [IG]
March 1st
Stefan posts himself with Sookie. [IG]
March 11th
I talk behind a wooden table and post about my cat eating my Spider Plant which is hallucinogenic to felines. [IG]
He sits at a wooden table and posts a small technicolor cat in the corner of his post. [IG] Same day.
March 18th
March 24th
Three days prior. Photos posted by DJ Stashu of me singing at the WFMU fundraiser party. [fb] He posts himself in similar positions.
The Little Mermaid • Part of Your World
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin’ free, wish I could be
Part of that world
[IG]
Pantera • A New Level
A new level
Of confidence
And power
Thats right!
No fucking surrender
Can’t lose
No fucking surrender can’t lose
… even blurring his face like mine when reposting this older drawing. [IG]
One day prior, I rant about mixing up my medications and playing a Joan Crawford radio play. [IG] On the radio, I talk about my childhood crush on William Shatner and blame him for my love life being in shambles [audio], dooming me to a life of pining over drummers and bass players. (Stefan did both.)
I add to that same radio playlist [WFMU] that night this photo of Shatner.
He posts the next day with lipstick (Crawford) and poison vial (medication), his colors matching mine, arms crossed like Shatner. [IG]
Madonna • Vogue
Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache
It’s everywhere that you go
(Look around)
You try everything you can to escape
The pain of life that you know (Life that you know)
February 10th, I post about being a Heather. [IG]
He posts himself in a similar outfit, lipstick, hand position, with similar lettering. [IG]
In This Moment • Blood 1983
Blood, blood, blood
Pump mud through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I’m not that easy
Blood, blood, blood
Pump mud through my veins
I’m a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy
I love you for everything you ever took from me
I love the way you dominate and you violate me
I love you for every time you gave up on me
I love you for the way you look when you lie to me
I love you for never believing what I say
I love you for never once giving me my way
I love you for never delivering me from pain
I love you for always driving me insane
On my radio show the night before, I asked my listeners what they are most afraid of doing, and challenge them to conquer their fears [audio]. I mention my singing on stage as one of the things that I was most afraid of doing in life.
On that radio show, I added this gif to the playlist. [WFMU]
Stefan posts himself holding a ball gag, matching his color to my Twilight Zone gif, to a song about love. [IG]
Massive Attack • Teardrop
Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath
His fear is of speaking freely to me? about love?
April 1st
March 30th I post this gif to my radio playlist for a song from Some Like it Hot, sung by Marilyn Monroe. [WFMU]
He poses with Marilyn beside him. [IG]
Mad Season • Wake Up
Wake up, young man
It’s time to wake up
Your love affair has got to go
For ten long years
For ten long years
The leaves to rake us
Slow suicide’s no way to go
His caption: “HAD THE FLU”
In the Ocean Grove days, I was already sick with the flu, and when Stefan felt himself succumbing, he raced down to be with me so we could be sickly together. We were fevery in bed together for days. I recovered before him, and took care of him through the worst of it with cold washcloths. “I’m supposed to take care of YOU” he said, delirious from fever.
March 16th, a video in red and green as a promo for my radio show prizes [IG]
which leads him back to this Sticky Friends photo
and so… [IG]
Remembering. Recreating.
This image from the WFMU prizes video [IG], a woman with her raised hand
brings him to this photo of us in Ocean Grove.
The narrow point of the head is like the negative space behind my head between the bannister and wall, the doorknob becomes the moon, the same color, one of her hands, one of mine. [IG]
Infected Rain • The Realm of Chaos
Maybe if we had the night.
Maybe if we had the light.
Maybe if we had the night
We could start to dream.
Maybe if we had the light
We could start to see.
Running!
The rotten society
Of a dead dynasty.
Are we the hunters, are we the bait?
Running and hiding
From the constant duality.
May 28th, my bruised thighs from being hit with a scooter while bicycling. [fb]
which brings him to this bruised [flickr] photo from May 2009
right below it in the [flickr] feed, my statue.
I become a demon of thigh and statue. [IG]
Infected Rain • The Realm of Chaos
In the alchemy of good and bad
Are we the hunters, are we the bait?
In the reality obscure
Are we the fisherman, are we the lure?
Bullied into submission,
Gaslighted into self destruction.
Doomed to walk this cursed land
Like a lost lamb in a wolf stand.
This one is beautifully weird. [IG]
April 4th
March 25th, I reposed these 1994 photographs of me and rambled at length about the character Delirium from the comic book Sandman, whom I resembled. [fb]
This is the titular character Dream from Sandman:
He finds the photograph of him I took in Ocean Grove, his eyes black with a sparkle of light, just like Sandman.
Mad Season • River Of Deceit
My pain is self-chosen
At least, so the prophet says
I could either burn
Or cut off my pride and buy some time
A head full of lies is the weight, tied to my waist
He recreates it. [IG]
That same radio playlist from March 30th includes this gif [WFMU]
Which leads Stefan back to this early photograph of us.
He keeps the steepled hands, and the small bit of red over the left shoulder. [IG]
Remembering. Recreating.
Back to the prizes promo video [IG]. The gripping hands on the album cover
brings him back to these Ocean Grove self portraits from 2007.
He matches the color of the drawing to the album cover hand, replicating the crumbling walls behind me, the exposed plaster wall inspiring the shape of the mask, the pitcher handle for horns, the mattress pattern inspiring the plants. [IG]
He uses a track from the soundtrack to Silent Hill: Revelation, appropriate given the peeling paint and cracked walls.
•Silent Hill Revelation
Silent Hill: Revelation is a film based on the video game. It’s not a great film, but the protagonists have thematic and visual similarities to us.
He uses the soundtrack to this film often.
More prizes promos. [IG] Her filthy arms and hunched pose
brings him back to these photos from filming March of the Pumpkins.
The headboard pattern inspires the wings, the hat makes the braids, the book pages make the bench, the doorknob is the moon, the color dictated by the filthy jumpsuit, the hands made of knife and shadow. [IG]
More March of the Pumpkins and Ocean Grove photos.
Rope texture from the hat strings. [IG]
I can’t figure this one out yet. [IG]
SKYND • Katherine Knight
I want to cut you in the dark
Taste your bleeding heart
I hate you (I hate you)
I want to hang you from the door
Bleed you to the core
I love you (I love you)
I can never get enough of, you
Deep inside you feel the same way, too
I will always love you
I will always love you
March 12th 2022, I post photos from seeing Gary Numan, and a selfie afterwards. [IG]
Stefan combines them for his own selfie. The red poster as a red kiss. [IG]
Sonic Youth • Drunken Butterfly
Come on home, just ain’t fair
Name of rock ‘n’ roll, where love dies
Couldn’t find a soul, tell it like it is
Deep down inside, drunken butterfly
I love you, I love you, I love you, what’s your name?
I love you, I love you, I love you, what’s your name?
April 8th
My March 30th radio playlist also included this gif [WFMU].
This brings Stefan to this photo from a trip to North Jersey.
Ending up at the Jefferson Diner that same night.
Stefan combines them, neon added, pink and red from the diner, his pose mimicking that of us, standing “side by side” like the lyrics say. [FB]
Soap&Skin • Me and the Devil
Early this morning
When you knocked upon my door
And I say, “Hello Satan, I
I believe it is time to go”
Me and the Devil
Walking side by side
Me and the Devil
Walking side by side
Remembering. Recreating.
That same radio playlist includes this gif from the film Immortal Beloved, relatable to our relationship, and Stefan’s deafness in one ear.
This brings him to our 2009 Chicago [flickr] photos, he and I in the Chicago hotel lobby in a strange circular mirror
and to this photo I took of him at my Aunt’s garage in 2009 next to slats of wood
which in turn brings him to a photo of his hand I’d taken in that same garage.
He combines them, Beethoven’s piano becomes guitar, the circle and wood around the mirror becomes the circle and strings of the guitar, his finger gripping, photographing with his left hand so Marilyn is present, lyrics referencing unable to be heard. [IG]
Portishead • Biscuit
I’m lost, exposed
Stranger things will come your way
It’s just I’m scared
Got hurt a long time ago
Can’t make myself heard
No matter how hard I scream
Oh, sensation
Sin, slave of sensation
Fully fed, yet I still hunger
Torn inside
Haunted I tell myself, yet I still wander
Down, inside
It’s tearin’ me apart
Oh, sensation
Sin, slave of sensation
I’ll never fall in love again
It’s all over now
2006 (right after Stefan and I met). A fellow with wrinkled infrared-pink jacket sleeves and chubby cheeks. [flickr]
Stefan is reminded of my photo when he sees a bunny with chubby cheeks and baggy pink sleeves, so he tweaks the colors to match my infrared photograph. [IG]
April 4th, I post an image from on set. I had a part in an indie film The Brother had written. [IG]
He matches the colors, his Superman logo backwards like the lettering of the pub on the front door, Marilyn present. He plays a song filled with anger and fury. [IG]
Mudvayne • Dig
Dig
Bury me underneath everything that I am rearranging
Dig
Bury me underneath everything that I was
You ain’t fucking changing me
Dig
Come on mother fucker dig
Let me help you tie the rope around your neck
Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge
Let me help you hold the Glock against your head
Let me help you chain the weights onto your legs
Get on the plank fuck!
oh god.
A sudden realization.
Stefan’s brother had written a short story about a man whose apartment slowly grows into a forest as he becomes more and more of a a recluse, until he himself is physically overtaken by the creeping rot of nature (like the movie Troll, but in a depressing hipster Brooklyn way). The story got the attention of an indie director who wanted to turn it into a film, so The Brother fleshed out the simple tale as a full script. He told me he wrote the new supporting role specifically with me in mind, and had me cast in the film. I was the plucky wacky chick, hanging out at an after-hours bar making illegal bets with my best friend, the sad agoraphobe slowly sinking into a state of unbeing.
The story was Stefan.
Oh god, I can’t breathe.
The story was Stefan, struggling, isolated, and hardly leaving his bedroom. Stefan with his scratch-off tickets. Stefan with nightmares borne of airway obstruction. Stefan with his coffee extra light and two sugars.
How did I not realize?! The main character’s name was “Anton” for fuck’s sake.
We even filmed a scene where I am banging at Anton’s apartment door, begging and pleading for him to let me in, let me help him, but he does not answer.
I was simply playing me.
Anton’s slow steady decline was portrayed as inevitable, unavertable. The film is essentially watching someone lose a battle against isolation and madness while slowly drowning in psychological quicksand made manifest. In a meta turn of events, The Brother even tried to fix me up with the actor who played Anton.
I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. I didn’t know.
April 10th
Back to Chicago. Taken in the hotel elevator.
Looking upwards, his arm at the same angle, a framed image behind him. [IG]
(Why the red? I’m missing something.)
Repost.
March 31st, I repost old versions of Fictional Characters that Describe Me trend. [IG]
So he crops this older drawing. The child looking downwards like the Black Knight, a brain like that of The Man with Two Brains. He adds a CENSORED label emulating the football helmets held by the woman of Just One of the Guys. [IG]
Enya • Only Time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose? Only time
Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies? Only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies? Only time
Who can say when the roads meet?
That love might be in your heart?
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart
(k)night
Repost. inspired, I think, from this image on my radio playlist from April 6th, two days prior. [WFMU]
A figure with a circular hole in his chest
leads Stefan back to this dress with a circular hole in the chest. [IG]
Tom Petty • American Girl
Well, it was kind of cold that night
She stood alone on her balcony
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by
Out on 441
Like waves crashin’ on the beach
And for one desperate moment there
He crept back in her memory
God it’s so painful
Something that’s so close
And still so far out of reach
April 12th
From January, I post about seeing the pornographic documentary Load Count. [IG IG]
He combines both videos into one. [IG]
PJ Harvey • Is This Love
I can’t believe that life’s so complex
When I just want to sit here and watch you undress
I can’t believe that life’s so complex
When I just want to sit here and watch you undress
This is love, this is love
That I’m feeling
This is love, this is love
That I’m feeling
This is love, love, love
That I’m feeling
April 15th
February 16th, I post myself with vertical stripes on my face while walking by a lined background [IG] which brings him to our Halloween photos, with vertical lines down his face in front of a lined background.
Using the lines of shadow to mimic the wooden slat pattern of the wall behind him, and for and his bloody face. [IG]
Cannons • Shadows
I’m lost in the dark
Searching for a spark with you
Keep holding on
Let me move through you
Where have you gone? Waited so long
How can I just carry on?
Remembering. Recreating. Marilyn is me.
March 31st I’d reuploaded my series of “fictional characters that equal you” instagram trend.
He combines three of them. Four of Diamonds prevalent. [IG]
Allie Sherlock • Wicked Game
The world was on fire, no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you
I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you
No, I don’t wanna fall in love
with you
What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say, never felt this way
What a wickеd thing you do, to let me dream of you
From my April 6th radio playlist, gifs stacked above each other like so for the Mandy Love Theme and Depeche Mode’s song Judas. [WFMU] He combines them. [IG]
April 21st
My April 6th radio playlist with this Bette Davis gif [WFMU]
brings him back to this from 2007
and this, his gripping hand on thigh.
And this.
His painting of his gripping hand and my naked form. [IG]
The angled black space at the bottom like his pant leg. The palette knife like his rings and watch.
More hands. A Sticky Friends photo from 2008.
And the cat matches my bruise. [IG]
What is the song?
Continuing obsessing about hands, he looks to my art instagram, where I have a drawing of a bleeding hand [IG] right next to a satanic goat. [IG]
So he posts a satanic goat.
April 21st
One week prior, I post these to my [WFMU] playlist
Vincent’s upturned eyes and the vampire theme brings him back to our last Halloween.
Matching the colors of the woooden background to his photograph. Again, using the shadows to represent the slatted wood and his bloodied face. Again, Marilyn is me. [IG]
Tobacco • Gods in Heat
I can make it be now
I let you be here
I can make it be
I can make it be now
I let you be here
I can make it better
Remembering, recreating.
Remembering.
I post this album cover to my radio show playlist one day prior. [WFMU]
which leads him to this photograph of Rasputina performing, which Stefan and I attended together.
So he posts a violin, a red kiss to the lower right to balance the red in the lower right of my photograph. [IG]
To Rasputina, of course.
February 2022. [IG]
The Cramps • I was a Teenage Werewolf
His song choice is what makes the connection. The scene filled with tones of brown, a blue painting in the background matches Chacka’s eyes, he adds diagonal lettering like my own. [IG]
Continuing with 2022, from March. [IG]
He’s placed the dummy in a different spot so the background is half white wall and half tan, like mine. [IG]
Sympathy, tenderness
Warm as the summer
Offer me their embrace
Friendliness, gentleness
Strangers to my life
They are there in his face
Goodness, and sweetness, and kindness abound in this place
I am in love with
The things that I see in his face
It’s a memory I know time
Will never erase
The song lyrics talk about time and loving someone’s face. Behind me is a calendar.
April 22nd
My image is from April 3rd 2022. [IG] The green and the grin ties in his post with a song choice “Alligator Girl” who is also an electric guitar. [IG]
His lyrical choice inspired, I think, from this old email I’d sent him.
Langhorne Slim • Alligator Girl
Alligator girl, the electric guitar
Wake from clap of thunder
Pull the covers from my face
Lift my head off of the pillow
Check the darkness
Just in case, she waits
She waits
She waits
Fuck, I’m sobbing again.
Repost.
Another gif posted to my radio playlist on April 20th
More Rasputina.
brings him back to this [IG]
My video of Miss Kitka distracting me one month prior [IG]
leads him to that time in 2018 I tried to take a cute photo of me and my cat but I had to split it in two because of the aspect ratio and because I found it hilarious that the angle made my breasts look insanely gargantuan. [IG]
My cat makes the diagonal black, the yellow wall my yellow pillow, the bright pink hair is CENSORED, my long salmon/pink hair pieces makes the two pink slashes. [IG]
April 26th
A video I made in February for my radio show. [IG]
Brings him back to this.
The red hand on white skin leads him back to these performance artist photographs [flickr]
Photographs of the artist’s boots from the same event, the stars shrouded in shadow:
Stefan posts this painting to instagram, filtered and hyper contrasted, stars shrouded in shadow, lines of forehead wrinkles like the lines of wood flooring, a small bit of light on the lower left, like the person’s camera screen. [IG]
Now the theme is red circles…
A 2015 shot I took in Jersey City with a red circle on the ceiling of the escalator. [IG]
Morrisey • Redondo Beach
Down by the ocean it was so dismal.
I was just standing with shock on my face.
The hearse pulled away, and the girl that had died, it was you.
You’ll never return into my arms ’cause you were gone gone.
Never return into my arms ’cause you were gone gone.
Gone gone, gone gone, good-bye.
The mug handle as the red circle on the ceiling, the bend of his foot and the colorful pattern of the sock mimicking the pattern of lights down the escalator, the zebra pattern as the white lights on black background, his hand and ankle as the beige sides, one with round knuckle shapes, one with sharp rose shapes.
A circle surrounded by red. In April 2018 post an antique photo of a woman with a horse, a rose and a hand. [IG]
Horses on his socks, roses on his arm and ankle, the hand position mimicked. [IG]
More hands. An insane record I found at the WFMU record library, and posted these to instagram. [IG]
He photographs his hands, the pink bandaid for the pink background, the pointing hand for my additional closeup shot of his manicure, the shadow lines to emulate the stacks of records behind, leopard print hearts for my leopard print tights. [IG]
No colors are added that don’t exist.
Echo & the Bunnymen • Lips Like Sugar
Just when you think she’s yours
She’s flown to other shores
To laugh at how you break
And melt into this lake
You’ll flow down her river
But you’ll never give her
Lips like sugar
Sugar kisses
She’ll be my mirror
Reflect what I am
Loser and winner
The king of Siam
And my Siamese twin
Alone in the river
Mirror kisses
My April 19/20th radio show playlist again. [WFMU] Stefan posts fetish gear, the collar at the top at the same diagonal as Tim Curry’s pearl necklace. [IG]
In This Moment • Big Bad Wolf
Oh man, all these voices
I just can’t, get the fuck out of my head
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Even with these chains, you can’t stop me…
April 27th
Again, from my April 19/20th radio show playlist, for Crispin Glover’s birthday I post a gif of the film ‘Rubin and Ed’. [WFMU] His kicking leg with bent knee
brings Stefan back to this self portrait from the Ocean Grove days.
This leads him back to other self portraits from 2006/2007.
Stefan uses the gif for the color tone, the ball to inspire breasts, and the photographs for the rest of the drawing. [IG]
In This Moment • The Fighter
All my life
I was afraid to die
And now I come alive inside these flames
You don’t want me to love you
You don’t want me to need you
You don’t want to look at me for you will turn to stone
You don’t want me to hurt you
You don’t want me to bite you
You don’t want me or my aching soul
